IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The diagram below shows the manufacturing for making sugar from sugarcane.

The diagram below shows the manufacturing for making sugar from sugarcane.
The diagram indicates the manufacturing process for making
sugar
Use synonyms
 from sugarcane within seven steps by machines and man-made. 
To begin
Linking Words
 with, on top of that, the
sugar
Use synonyms
cane
Use synonyms
 grew within 12 to 18 months,
while
Linking Words
 the second
step
Use synonyms
 was divided into two ways for harvesting. One
step
Use synonyms
 was to use a machine which could produce a larger amount of
sugar
Use synonyms
cane
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the other
step
Use synonyms
 was to make a little more
sugar
Use synonyms
cane
Use synonyms
 from man-made.
In addition
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 could jump to the third
step
Use synonyms
 which was to crush the
sugar
Use synonyms
cane
Use synonyms
 to juice status by a machine. 
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the fourth to seventh steps
also
Linking Words
 used different kinds of tools to assert workers,
whereas
Linking Words
 workers just only utilised various tools to help them, including using filters to purify juice, using heaters to evaporate juice to syrup, centrifugation to separate
sugar
Use synonyms
 crystals from syrup, and dying and cooling
sugar
Use synonyms
.

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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 75%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words sugar, cane, step with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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