In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

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In different cultural backgrounds,
children
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are educated in various ways. In some countries,
children
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are told that as long as they work hard enough, they will end up achieving anything. In
this
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essay, I will analyse the advantages and disadvantages of having
this
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mindset.
Firstly
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, telling
children
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to try hard helps them develop a positive attitude towards difficulties.
This
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mindset motivates them to search for methods to overcome obstacles. Take preparing for a test as an example, when
children
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meet a concept
that is
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hard to understand and master, the
children
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with a positive attitude will
initially
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find methods to solve it and learn a lot during the process. The
children
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with a negative one,
instead
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, are more likely to give up straight away. In the long run, the
children
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with a belief that all problems can be fixed will develop more confidence and accumulate more problem-solving methods.
Therefore
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,
this
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educational theory has the benefit of forming a positive personality. On the flip side,
this
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mindset may lead
children
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to ignore the fact that only having diligence is not enough to fix problems. Before devoting time and energy to one thing, it is important to justify that it is effective. People who are seeking jobs,
for instance
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, often pay attention to refining their resume blindly by highlighting their previous achievements.
However
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, people equipped with the practical skills needed by the targeted companies stand out in the view of HR. If
children
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don't
realize
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realise
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the significance of evaluating the decisions in advance, in the end, they probably question the effectiveness of being diligent.
Thus
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, over-highlighting the value of trying hard
also
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has the drawback of missing the importance of making a wise choice.
Above all
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,
while
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giving
children
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this
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message helps society and parents raise the
children
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with a willingness to face obstacles, it misleads
children
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into believing that diligence is the only essential quality. To make sure
children
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are able to have a better life in the future, both society and parents should tell them that working hard is essential, but only having
this
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is not enough.

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task response
Answer both sides in a more direct way in each main part.
coherence and cohesion
Make your main idea very clear at the start of each body part.
task response
Use examples that fit the question more closely and more simply.
coherence and cohesion
Link some ideas more smoothly so the flow feels more natural.
coherence and cohesion
Your second main part is good, but some lines are hard to follow. Keep the point shorter and clearer.
task response
Add one more clear result for each side to make your answer fuller.
task response
You answer both the good side and the bad side of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear opening, two body parts, and a clear end.
task response
Most main points are explained with support.
coherence and cohesion
The order of ideas is easy to follow in general.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general
Topic Vocabulary:
  • achieve
  • try hard
  • positive mindset
  • self-belief
  • motivates
  • ambitious goals
  • resilience
  • determination
  • confidence
  • self-esteem
  • growth mindset
  • unrealistic expectations
  • disappointment
  • failure
  • effort
  • hard work
  • seek support
  • individual differences
  • abilities
  • capabilities
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