IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that urban spaces should be used for parks rather than for housing. Discus both sides and give your opinion

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Introduction
The
utilization
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utilisation
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 of municipal land has sparked a contentious debate, with some individuals asserting that urban zones should be designated for public parks rather than residential developments.
While
Linking Words
 the provision of green spaces is crucial for public well-being, I firmly believe that addressing the housing shortage through residential construction should take precedence in modern cities.
Body · 1
On the one hand, allocating urban territory to the development of public parks yields profound benefits for environmental sustainability and public health. Urban greenery acts as the "lungs" of a city, mitigating the heat island effect and filtering atmospheric pollutants.
Furthermore
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, recreational areas offer city dwellers a sanctuary to exercise and unwind, which is vital for mental rejuvenation in fast-paced environments.
For instance
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, the implementation of Central Park in New York City provides millions of residents with an essential space for physical activities and stress relief, proving how vital green infrastructure is to urban livability.
Body · 2
On the other hand
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, the construction of housing complexes is an absolute necessity to accommodate the exponential growth of urban populations. As rural-to-urban migration accelerates, cities face unprecedented pressure on their current real estate capacity, leading to skyrocketing property prices and rampant homelessness.
Prioritizing
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Prioritising
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 residential developments ensures that citizens have access to affordable and secure shelter, which is a fundamental human right. A prime example of
this
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 can be seen in Singapore, where the government’s intensive focus on High-Density Public Housing (HDB) has successfully provided affordable housing for over 80% of its citizens, effectively preventing the formation of slums and ensuring social stability.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
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 the creation of public parks plays an indispensable role in enhancing the citizens' quality of life and environmental health, I am convinced that the demand for residential housing is more pressing. Governments should strike a balance by incorporating vertical gardens and green rooftops into residential designs to
fulfill
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fulfil
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 both needs simultaneously.

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task response
For task response, your opinion is clear, but you can explain a little more why housing should come first in all cities, not only in some cases.
task response
For task response, both sides are discussed well, but you can add one more specific example or result for the park side to make it more balanced.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your ideas are in a clear order, but some linking words feel a bit formal. Try to keep them natural and simple.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, each main paragraph has one strong main idea, but you can make the last sentence in each body paragraph connect more directly to your opinion.
task response
For task response, you answer all parts of the question and give a clear opinion from the start.
task response
For task response, your examples about New York and Singapore are relevant and help support your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, the essay has a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your paragraphs are easy to follow and each one stays on topic.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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