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Writing Samples
Band 5

children nowadays spend great deal of time watching television.However television cannot replace as learning tool which is why children are less educated today.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Due to
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advancement
Correct article usage
the advancement
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 of digital and print media children nowadays
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
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major
Add an article
a major
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 chunk of their time watching it.Though television can play a major role in
education
Replace the word
educating
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Use synonyms
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
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 through
perfomance
Correct your spelling
performance
,some authorities
believed
Wrong verb form
believe
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 that it cannot take
place
Correct article usage
the place
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 of books and practicals and youth nowadays
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 less knowledgeable than in past.I
personaly
Correct your spelling
personally
 agree with it and I will discuss that through examples in
following
Correct article usage
the following
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 paragraphs. First of all,
The
Correct article usage
apply
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digital media cannot replace the teachings of teachers who educate by spending their precious time on building the skills of the student.
For
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Use synonyms
example
Add a comma
example,
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 The Experience gained through studying in schools like
recongnition
Correct your spelling
recognition
 of objects or pencil holding and grip on it cannot be learnt on our screens.
Thus
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 most valuable practical lessons are learnt offline.
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Furthermore
Add a comma
Furthermore,
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 many empathic lessons are only gained in group settings
for
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example
Use synonyms
 sharing,caring for other emotions,respect for elders and social service to society
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 only practiced physically and though taught online
dose'nt
Correct your spelling
don't
 have that same impact.Even if a baby
see
Change the verb form
sees
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 them
everday
Correct your spelling
he
 can't understand the concept without experiencing it.
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Further
Add a comma
Further,
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 a
child
Use synonyms
 may recognize an object online but may not react to it if seen physically.
For
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example
Use synonyms
, there is a
disesase
Correct your spelling
disease
 called screen
autisim
Correct your spelling
autism
 in which
Use synonyms
child
Correct article usage
a child
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 understand
the
Correct article usage
an
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 object or animal or
identify
Correct subject-verb agreement
identifies
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 colors on
t.v
Correct your spelling
TV
 but not in front of it. On
th
Correct your spelling
the
 contrary Many objects which are harmful in their natural settings like wild animals or many
off season
Add a hyphen
off-season
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 fruits and
vegetable
Fix the agreement mistake
vegetables
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 can be taught in
this
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 way,
thus
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 a kin can have
a knowledge
Remove the article
knowledge
a piece of knowledge
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on
Change preposition
of
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 it
with out
Correct your spelling
without
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 its access.It not only
save
Correct subject-verb agreement
saves
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 money but
also
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 time and
also
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 can help parents to focus on their work
while
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 the
child
Use synonyms
 is watching it on
scree
Correct your spelling
screen
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.
For
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Use synonyms
example
Add a comma
example,
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 many
documentry
Correct your spelling
documentary
 channels like
national geographic
Correct your spelling
National Geographic
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 provide
first hand
Add a hyphen
first-hand
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 experience to the viewer.
To conclude
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,I personally believe that in hand
expeirence
Correct your spelling
experience
 is more
resourcful
Correct your spelling
resourceful
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then
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than
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 what
taught
Add a missing verb
is taught
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 online and a balance between both is
necessory
Correct your spelling
necessary
 in order for our youth to learn.

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Improvement
Consider varying your sentence structure more to enhance the readability and flow of your essay.
Grammar
Watch out for run-on sentences and remember to use commas appropriately to avoid overly long sentences without proper pauses.
Structure
Try to ensure all paragraphs are well developed. Aim for at least three to four sentences that flesh out the idea introduced by the topic sentence.
Grammar
Be mindful of typo and grammatical errors, such as incorrect verb tenses or missing articles, as these can slightly impede understanding.
Content
You've successfully addressed the topic with well-supported arguments.
Structure
Your essay introduces a clear standpoint and concludes by summarizing your viewpoint effectively.
Content
Good use of examples to illustrate your points throughout the essay.
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