In order to reduce crime, we need to attack the causes of crime such as poverty and lack of educational opportunities. It is enough to simply have more police on the street and put more people into prison. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#crime #attack #poverty #lack #opportunities #police #street #people #prison

To start with, for me,

Correct pronoun usage

show examples

started to live way harder in modern society because it feels like the government doesn'

solve the problems of

crimes

, murders, youth crime, etc. The government is reducing the money on some other things

instead

of protecting its population from some dangerous things that are spreading out more and more daily.

For instance

, I can say that analyzing some of the

people

who committed

crimes

, I can'

really say that each of them lacked educational opportunities, they had a job, family, and everything that a common person can have in life, so I don'

agree with a statement that it's about not having education,

instead

, I fully agree with that thieves have to have more help for their mental state. It supports the idea of abuse in lots of families in each country of the world, thieves don'

need a reason for doing their

crimes

, but they totally have it on why they became like

this

. Eventually after abuse and not mentally stable

people

in life, the person can start to feel okay with doing something wrong, especially illegal.

In addition

this

people

through a lot of centuries tried to develop the police system, and as I see

this

situation it didn'

really help in reducing crime in the world, because of lots of illegal businesses, millionaires, and billionaires who didn'

under control of government and police, and the reason is money,

also

an opportunity on using weapons legally, etc.

To sum up

, I think

people

should have mental help, and the system doesn'

need to punish those

people

physically, but

instead

work on their thoughts and find a reason for their

crimes

this

way.

Submitted by wegeeetz on Fri Apr 05 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence and Cohesion

Consider structuring your essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion to enhance logical flow and coherence.

Task Achievement

Expand upon your examples by providing more detailed analysis and evidence. This will strengthen your argument and task achievement.

Task Achievement

Remember to explicitly address the prompt by clearly stating your agreement or disagreement and supporting your position throughout the essay.

Task Achievement

You've approached the topic with a personal perspective, adding uniqueness to your essay.

Task Achievement

By discussing mental health and the ineffectiveness of current police systems, you've touched upon critical societal issues, which makes your essay substantive.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

3 paragraphs

282 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

root causes of crime
criminal behavior
legitimate economic opportunities
enhancing educational opportunities
skills and qualifications
job prospects
economic disparities
social programs
economic empowerment
police presence
deter criminal activities
underlying issues
prison sentences
rehabilitate criminals
comprehensive rehabilitation programs
community-building efforts
social services
supportive environment
discourages criminal behavior

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

4.5
band
In recent years, many small local shops have closed because customers travel to large shopping center or mall to do their shopping. Is this a positive or a negative development?
In my opinion, traveling to large shopping center and abandoning the small local shops could have a positive and negative development.
6
band
University students should pay the full cost for their own study because a university education benefits individuals rather than society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is believed that students are responsible for paying the whole cost for their own curricula programme, as the university curriculum benefits them rather than society. I completely disagree with this assertion for several reasons.
5.5
band
Write a letter to your manager to request setting up a cafeteria for the staff. In your letter, you should tell: what you heard about the inconvenience from the staff how you feel about it what suggestions you have
I am Kiranpreet Kaur, working as Shift Supervisor in your organization from 2021. I am writing to you due to the dissatisfaction expressed by staff members recently about the 15 minutes break criteria and a suggestion to help resolve this matter.
5
band
Some people think that environmental problems are too big for individuals to solve, while others think that the government cannot solve these environmental problems unless individuals make some action. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Environmental problems, such as global warming, are a huge concern for the world that we are living in today. Therefore, it is paramount that we try to solve the issues both on a global and national scale.
7.5
band
There have been some problems with the bus service, especially its reliability, in your area over the last two weeks. Write a letter to the manager of the bus company. In your letter • describe what the problems are • explain how these problems are affecting you • suggest what you would like the company to do Write at least 150 words.
I am writing to complain about the bus service I normally use to get to my university campus.

In order to reduce crime, we need to attack the causes of crime such as poverty and lack of educational opportunities. It is enough to simply have more police on the street and put more people into prison. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

In recent years, many small local shops have closed because customers travel to large shopping center or mall to do their shopping. Is this a positive or a negative development?

University students should pay the full cost for their own study because a university education benefits individuals rather than society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Write a letter to your manager to request setting up a cafeteria for the staff. In your letter, you should tell: what you heard about the inconvenience from the staff how you feel about it what suggestions you have

Some people think that environmental problems are too big for individuals to solve, while others think that the government cannot solve these environmental problems unless individuals make some action. Discuss both views and give your opinion.