IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Across the world, local shops are closing due to losing customers to online competitors. What problems does this produce? And what solutions can you suggest to overcome them?

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
The usage of new technology in the education sector has surged in recent times and prioritized over the conventional method of teaching to a large number of
pupils
Use synonyms
. Contemporary technology in teaching is very convenient and time-saving for
students
Use synonyms
as well as
Linking Words
 for
teachers
Use synonyms
. The primary advantages and disadvantages of
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon are discussed in the following passages.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, there are various benefits of using new technologies for teaching
students
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, through the conventional method, it is very difficult for
teachers
Use synonyms
 to explain complex topics to
students
Use synonyms
. But, after the advent of new audio-visual technology, it is very easy to explain tough topics with the help of animations.
Additionally
Linking Words
, since most educational institutes have adopted online teaching,
students
Use synonyms
 can easily learn from anywhere in the world, which is very convenient and time-saving.
Body paragraph 2
Despite these advantages, there are many drawbacks of new technologies which not only affect the learning curve of
students
Use synonyms
, but it affects the
overall
Linking Words
 health of
pupils
Use synonyms
.
First,
Linking Words
it is nearly impossible for
teachers
Use synonyms
 to know if
students
Use synonyms
 are paying attention
while
Linking Words
 teaching online and
as a result
Linking Words
, most
students
Use synonyms
 can’t score well in exams.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, new gadgets require
pupils
Use synonyms
 to constantly use digital screens which is very harmful for
students
Use synonyms
 of all ages.
For example
Linking Words
, as per a recent study, nearly 50% of children below the age of ten, wear spectacles
due to
Linking Words
 excessive use of digital screens.
Conclusion
In conclusion, new technological advancements in education surely increase
students
Use synonyms
’ ability to grasp complex subjects, and they are far more convenient and time-saving for
teachers
Use synonyms
 and
students
Use synonyms
 than traditional methods.
However
Linking Words
, they negatively affect the learning curve of
pupils
Use synonyms
 and their
eye sight
Correct your spelling
eyesight
show examples
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence & Cohesion
Consider using more transitional phrases to seamlessly connect your ideas and arguments. This will enhance the flow of your essay further.
Task Achievement
Try to diversify your examples and evidence to support your points. This would strengthen your argument and make it more compelling.
Introduction
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, clearly outlining the advantages and disadvantages of technology in education.
Logical Structure
You managed to maintain a logical structure throughout the essay, making your arguments easy to follow.
Conclusion
The conclusion effectively sums up the arguments, reinforcing the impact of technology in education.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: