Some people prefer to be self-employed, whereas others like working for companies or institutions. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of both approaches. Which do you think is a better approach?

Many people prefer to have their own businesses
while
some of them want to have
fix
Replace the word
fixed
show examples
wages from companies. Both of them have benefits and drawbacks. I believe that it depends on the individual's approach to their lives and they can choose between them. I will discuss these two in my essay. It is worth expressing
this
idea that self-employment jobs are
independence
Replace the word
independent
show examples
, they have free work hours and due
this
Change preposition
to this
show examples
fact they would be able to have their vacation whenever they want. the personal schedule will be an option for them.
However
, it has drawbacks too
such
as starting a new company or start-up requires a huge amount of money. They might face risks too. If they make mistakes, the consequences are just for them and it may cost them financially and
also
mentally.
On the other hand
, a population who has a fixed salary gets a month-end wage. they can plan for it daily and invest their money in the bank account without stress. It will be a perfect choice for people who want calm conditions during their lifetime.
Therefore
,
they
Correct word choice
if they
show examples
have fixed wealth
at the end
of the year, they would not be able to have extra earnings for an unpredictable situation without suitable insurance from their employers. In conclusion, self-employment has benefits and flexible timing
while
working for government or companies has risk-free income
along with
limitations. It is completely to the person who can decide the type of their own life. In my opinion, both are suitable
according to
the personal needs of the individuals.
Submitted by ostorr7213 on

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relevant specific examples
Try to further elaborate on your points with more specific examples or case studies. This will strengthen your arguments and make your essay more convincing.
coherence couhesion
Focus on improving the logical flow of your ideas. Sometimes the transitions between points can be smoother. Use linking words or phrases to connect your ideas effectively.
language accuracy
Work on the accuracy and variety of your language. Correcting small grammatical errors and utilizing a more diversified range of vocabulary will enhance the overall quality of your essay.
task achievement
Your essay effectively covers both self-employment and working for companies, addressing both advantages and disadvantages.
coherence couhesion
The structure of your essay is clear, with a defined introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
logical structure
Your ideas are logical and relevant to the topic, which makes your essay easy to follow.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • autonomy
  • benefits
  • career progression
  • flexible schedule
  • financial planning
  • entrepreneurial
  • job security
  • networking opportunities
  • work-life balance
  • unpredictable income
  • self-discipline
  • risk tolerance
  • employee benefits
  • corporate ladder
  • professional development
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