Increasing number of people are choosing cosmetology surgery to improve their appearance. What are the reasons? Do you think is it a positive or negative development?
In recent years more and more
people
opt for surgeries to change something about their appearance. This
is due to
the fact that social media
created some beauty
standards
that are hard to achieve, and also
because medicine has improved so much that now individuals can modify almost anything about their looks.
Firstly
, we now live in an age where social media
apps, like Instagram or TikTok, are part of our day-to-day life
, and Fix the agreement mistake
lives
people
with a large number of followers have become influencers. They usually consist of men or women that
are considered attractive by the society that Correct pronoun usage
who
the
live in, Correct your spelling
they
thus
creating some beauty
standards
that their followers would want to achieve so that they can be or look like them, this
way becoming beautiful in the eyes of everyone. Unfortunately, a fact not known by a lot of Correct your spelling
thus
people
is that the majority of influencers edit their pictures to hide their imperfections, so the standard they are creating is fake and not realistic, and it can create mental health problems for the followers that
can not afford to achieve it.
Correct pronoun usage
who
Secondly
, the beauty
standards
created by the
society are more and more demanding, and every little imperfection can cause a normal individual to not feel good about themselves. The improvement of medicine and technology now allows Correct article usage
apply
people
to remove their moles, create dimples, remove wrinkles, lose weight, create ‘hip-dips’ or create the so-called ‘fox eyes’, following every beauty
trend that appears once in a while
and achieving a perfect face or body, in the eyes of social media
.
In conclusion, i
believe that the Change the capitalization
I
beauty
standards
implied by influencers and social media
are unhealthy for people
,
and that they should resort to cosmetology surgery only if they truly feel that the change they are going to Remove the comma
apply
do
will make them truly happy.Verb problem
make
Submitted by atomoiaga46 on
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Task Achievement
Make sure your essay has a balanced discussion on both aspects of the question - reasons for the trend and your opinion on its positivity or negativity. While your essay wonderfully outlines the reasons, incorporating more direct discussion on the positive or negative development of the phenomenon can enhance task achievement.
Task Achievement
Enhancing your examples with more specific instances or facts can strengthen the argument and provide a more vivid illustration of your points. For instance, mentioning studies or statistics related to social media's impact on beauty standards can add credibility to your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is logically structured, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, using transitional phrases between paragraphs and within paragraphs can improve the flow of ideas and maintain coherence.
Positive Highlight
You provided a well-thought-out argument on how social media influences beauty standards, showing a good understanding of the topic.
Positive Highlight
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points of your essay, reinforcing your stance on the issue.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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