In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?
In particular
societies, it is commonly said by the elderly that the harder we try, the more successful we are. This
phrase is normally expressed to motivate the younger generation to work harder. Nevertheless
, this
expression is not simply applicable in real life. There are several consideration factors that determine its actualization in reality, moreover
, advising children this
message is also
followed by certain benefits and drawbacks.
Supporting children is invariably a virtuous action; it not only elevates their zeal but also
caters to their emotional necessity, ensuring they are adequately backed by their families. Working towards a certain goal necessitates unwavering perseverance, and constant determination renders their aim more achievable. Nevertheless
, from my perspective, it is crucial to realise one’s potential as some individuals now are enduring the consequent pressure of coercion to adapt to something that does not align with their genuine ability.
By way of illustration, considerable evidence indicates that several students opt for engineering majors, motivated by the prospect of higher salaries, despite their deficiency in relevant talent. They hold the view that making a decision of this
sort is entirely tenable, provided they dedicate themselves to rigorous academic efforts. This
situation could be detrimental for certain individuals, as in some cases they are barely capable of producing satisfactory outcomes. This
scenario would be completely reversed if only they followed their true flair. Achieving outstanding accomplishment is exceedingly straightforward, or even effortless.
Ultimately, advising and encouraging our descendants to succeed is commendable, as it boosts their enthusiasm. Nonetheless
, it is beneficial to help them discover their aptitude and allow them to engage with it, without forcing them to veer off course, as it leads to adverse consequences.Submitted by syarahfatiha321 on
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specific examples
Clarify and expand your examples to better support your points. Concrete examples can make your argument more persuasive.
task response
Maintain a clear position throughout your essay. Ensure that your viewpoint is consistent and well-supported by your arguments.
coherence
Try to vary your sentence structures and use a range of linking words to improve flow and coherence.
grammar
Review grammar and punctuation to enhance clarity and professionalism.
introduction
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, clearly presenting the topic and your viewpoint.
balanced discussion
You've done well to outline both the potential benefits and pitfalls associated with the message that hard work guarantees success.
use of examples
The effort to include examples, even if they need further development, is commendable and contributes to a richer response.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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