IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many people now live in societies where consumer goods have become cheap. Do advantages outweigh disadvanatges?

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Today many people in some countries are
facilitated
Verb problem
forced
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 to consume cheap
goods
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 by the government.
This
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 trend has both advantages and disadvantages. In
this
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 essay, both sides will be explored before evaluating whether the benefits outweigh the disadvantages. Regarding the benefits, perhaps, it might be said that cheaper
goods
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 can be more accessible to many people.
This
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 can improve people's quality of life with basic and luxury
goods
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,
thus
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 enabling more comfortable and pleasant living conditions.
In addition
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, the availability of cheap
goods
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 can stimulate economic activity by increasing consumer spending, which contributes to economic growth.
For example
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, the middle class is helped economically to
fulfill
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fulfil
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 their needs.
However
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, we should not ignore the various drawbacks that
this
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 phenomenon may bring about.
First,
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over-reliance on cheap imported
goods
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 can lead to a country's dependence on foreign markets, posing risks to national security and economic autonomy.
Second,
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low prices often lead to overconsumption, which can generate significant waste, contributing to environmental degradation. In
this
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 case, it is very detrimental to ecosystems and society.
Finally
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,
mass
Correct article usage
the mass
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 production of cheap
goods
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 is often associated with unethical
labor
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labour
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 practices, including exploitation and unsafe working conditions in some countries.
For example
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, fast and cheap food brands often rely on cheap
labor
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labour
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 in developing countries, where workers, most of whom are women, are exposed to poor working conditions, long hours, low wages, and even forced
labor
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labour
show examples
 in some cases.
This
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 exploitation perpetuates the cycle of poverty and inequality. In summary, I am of the opinion that the lack of measurement of trends relating to cheap
goods
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 can be a substantial drawback. As
such
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, it outweighs the potential benefits.

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Structure and Clarity
Try to ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and supporting sentences that directly relate to it for even stronger coherence and cohesion.
Detail of Examples
While you've provided examples, making them more specific and detailed can significantly improve the depth of your argument and the overall task achievement score.
Balanced Analysis
Consider mentioning possible solutions or implications of the points discussed, especially in your conclusion, to provide a more comprehensive and balanced analysis of the topic.
Conclusion Clarity
Pay attention to slightly refining your essay's conclusion. It currently contains a strong opinion, but tying it back more explicitly to the advantages discussed could strengthen your argument overall.
Introduction
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, creating a clear pathway for your essay.
Structural Flow
You've shown a good ability to structure your essay, dividing it between advantages and disadvantages before reaching a conclusion, which aids in readability and understanding.
Use of Examples
The use of examples, even if they could be more detailed, helps ground your arguments in reality and provides evidence for your points.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • mass production
  • globalization
  • consumer goods
  • quality of life
  • overconsumption
  • environmental degradation
  • local economies
  • unethical labor practices
  • throwaway culture
  • materialistic values
  • economic growth
  • national security
  • economic autonomy
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