Some people argue that spending a lot of money holding birthday parties, wedding parties, and other celebration is waste money. Hoever, others believe such parties are improtant for individuals and for society. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #money #birthday #parties #celebration #waste #hoever #improtant #individuals #society

There has been quite an obvious

discuss

Replace the word

discussion

show examples

around the topic of using huge

amount

Fix the agreement mistake

amounts

show examples

of money

Change preposition

for

show examples

celebration

Fix the agreement mistake

celebrations

show examples

While

some people believe that having a party is just

burn

Wrong verb form

burning

show examples

your notes out of your pocket, others

argued

Wrong verb form

argue

show examples

that there are some benefits

behide

Correct your spelling

behind

those

occations

Correct your spelling

occasions

. I will show both views in the following paragraphs.

To begin

with, There is no doubt that, nowadays,

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

social media obviously

influence

Correct subject-verb agreement

influences

show examples

people around the world and that could make some people use over-budget for their special events.

This

is because

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

they

tent

Correct your spelling

tend

show examples

to impress

guestes

Correct your spelling

guests

or just want to copy what they have seen from the internet.

For instance

, numerous couples in Thailand copy wedding

parties concept

Fix the agreement mistake

party concepts

show examples

from

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

celebrities, which

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

cost them arms and legs

for

Change preposition

apply

show examples

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

To sum up

, some organizer spend a lot of money on their events just to

be impress

Change the verb form

impress

show examples

others,

this

could lead to financial issues. if they could not afford it.

On the other hand

, it is

worths

Fix the agreement mistake

worth

show examples

pointing out that there are good points of having a party.

This

is based on the

face

Correct your spelling

fact

show examples

that some family members are not getting

along with

each other and

this

special

occation

Correct your spelling

occasion

would let them

Change the verb form

apply

show examples

meet up

as well as

could help improve a family's relationship.

For example

wedding

Correct article usage

a wedding

show examples

celemony

Correct your spelling

ceremony

in Thailand usually invites all family

member

Fix the agreement mistake

members

show examples

to join, so

this

is a great opportunity to catch up with the members. In my opinion, wasting

momey

Correct your spelling

money

on special events or not? it really depends on the purpose of the parties. If it

is happened

Change to the active voice

happens

has happened

show examples

to meet up with their old friends or family members, it would be worth

to spend

Change the verb form

spending

show examples

Submitted by v.mahatkomol on Sat Apr 06 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Grammar and Spelling

Be mindful of spelling and grammar to enhance clarity. For example, 'there has been quite an obvious discuss around the topic' could be 'there has been quite an obvious discussion around the topic'.

Consistency in Verb Tenses

Ensure consistency in verb tenses to maintain coherence throughout the essay. For instance, 'this is based on the face that' might be improved to 'this is based on the fact that'.

Introduction and Conclusion Improvement

Consider refining your introduction and conclusion to make them more impactful. A stronger thesis statement in the introduction and a more conclusive summary of your opinion in the conclusion can add to the clarity and persuasiveness of your essay.

Use of Transitions

Try to use variety in sentence structures and transitions to make your arguments flow more smoothly. Words like 'moreover', 'however', and 'consequently' can provide clearer linkage between ideas.

Balanced Argument

The essay addresses both sides of the argument, providing a balanced overview.

Use of Relevant Examples

Relevant examples are used to support arguments, enhancing the essay's persuasiveness.

Clear Personal Opinion

The writer’s personal opinion is clearly stated, providing a stance on the matter.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
29Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

274 words

5.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 checks
Get all the feedback you need to keep improving your charts and letters.
Unlimited Task 2 checks
Practice and perfect your skills with essays.
Personalized suggestions
Know how to boost your score.
Detailed mistakes analysis
Get instant feedback. Spot every mistake.
Topic ideas generator
Get topic-specific ideas to enhance your writing.
Vocabulary helper
Get the right words for any topic.
Progress tracking
Track your writing improvements.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

<4
band
Some people prefer to work for a large company. Others prefer to work for a small company. Which would you prefer? Use specific reasons and examples to support your choice.
Different people have different choices regarding the preferance to work for a large company or a small company. I always choose to work for a large company because of higher possibility to learn from different efficient and talend people and also chance to express myself in bigger stages.
4.5
band
The internet has made knowledge immediately available through computers and smartphones all around the world. Much of the knowledge is also free. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this trend.
I am writing to express my sincere interest in securing gainful employment through your agency. My name is Harsh Desai, and I have recently completed my master's at the University of Waterloo in Electrical Engineering. I cleared my Industrial Electrician exam last month.
8
band
You took your family to a nearby restaurant. You were disappointed with the meal and wish to complain to the manager. Write a letter to the manager of the restaurant. In the letter: explain why you were at the restaurant describe the problems write about the action you want the manager to take You do NOT need to write your own address. Begin your letter as: Dear Sir or Madam, You should write at least 150 words.
I am writing this epistle to express my brutal experience at your prestigious restaurant. My name is Alex and a loyal customer. Yesterday evening, I went to your hotel with my colleagues to have an informal meeting as well as dinner.
4
band
In some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or building they live in. What are the reasons for this? How can people research this?
Nowadays, there is a trend of individuals around the globe to discover the history of the accommodation they are living in. This essay will discuss the reasons for this interest, as well as the method for research progress.
6
band
Many people argue that museums and art galleries should present the nation's art, as opposed to artworks from other countries.
In this contemporary epoch, museums’ exhibitions have become a controversial argument. Whilst some proponents emphasize that art galleries should present national artworks, some opponents and I adopt a diverse stance because the merits of displaying foreign works of art exert a great deal of influence on inhabitants. In this essay, my contention will be further explained.

Some people argue that spending a lot of money holding birthday parties, wedding parties, and other celebration is waste money. Hoever, others believe such parties are improtant for individuals and for society. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

Some people prefer to work for a large company. Others prefer to work for a small company. Which would you prefer? Use specific reasons and examples to support your choice.

The internet has made knowledge immediately available through computers and smartphones all around the world. Much of the knowledge is also free. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this trend.

In some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or building they live in. What are the reasons for this? How can people research this?

Many people argue that museums and art galleries should present the nation's art, as opposed to artworks from other countries.