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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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Music
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, a fascinating art form, touches nearly every aspect of human culture and emotion. Some
people
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 believe
music
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 is a bridge to connect
people
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 from different cultures and ages and I agree with the viewpoint. First and foremost,
music
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 can bridge cultural and generational divides as it allows
people
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 to perceive emotions across diverse backgrounds. To be specific, the intrinsic patterns of melody and rhythms have the remarkable ability to activate certain neural pathways, evoking feelings like joy and sadness.
For instance
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, Gangnam Style, a fast-paced piece of
music
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, once swept all over the world because when
people
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 heard the song, they spontaneously danced to it and enjoyed the moment together.
Besides
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, some
people
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 shared their dance of the song on social media apps,
such
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 as YouTube, leading to heated discussions between individuals from different countries. Had it not been for
music
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,
people
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 would not have
such
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 a good chance to communicate.
Furthermore
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, contrary to viewing the generational gap in musical tastes as a divide, it should
instead
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 be seen as a unique opportunity for fostering meaningful interactions between the young and the elderly.
For example
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, when younger individuals share contemporary
music
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, like K-pop
music
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, with older generations, it opens a window to their world, a chance for the elderly to glimpse into the evolving cultural landscape that shapes the youth's identity.
Similarly
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, when elders share classics or the
music
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 of their youth, it offers the younger generation a passage to the past, enriching their understanding of cultural heritage and history. Through
music
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, stories and sentiments are shared, allowing both young and old to appreciate the richness of each other's perspectives, thereby enhancing intergenerational communication and bonding. In conclusion, I agree
music
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 is a good way to link
people
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 because of its ability to evoke shared feelings and encourage dialogue between different generations.

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Introductory clarity.
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for your argument, but further specifying how music bridges cultural and generational gaps in the introduction could strengthen your essay.
Linking.
Using a wider range of linking words and paragraph transitions could further enhance the flow and coherence of your essay.
Depth of Argument.
Consider including a brief discussion of potential counterarguments to show a deeper analysis of the topic. This can enrich your essay and provide a more balanced view.
Example Usage.
You effectively use examples to support your points, making your argument more compelling.
Essay Structure.
The structure of your essay—introduction, body paragraphs with clear topics, and conclusion—is well-organized and logical.
Conclusion.
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your argument and restates your position, rounding off the essay nicely.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
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