IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Children have too much freedom nowadays. Do you agree or disagree ? Why ?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is
common
Add an article
a common
show examples
 belief that today children have so much freedom.
However
Linking Words
, I firmly believe that in some ways it is not a good idea, and they should not be allowed to have lots of it. I totally disagree
that
Change preposition
with that
show examples
 and, I will elaborate on my point of view in the following paragraphs. To start with,
kids
Use synonyms
 should be watched in their
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
 because they are so young and they do not know the thing is right or wrong. Under parents' surveillance,
kids
Use synonyms
 may not make serious mistakes.
For example
Linking Words
, fathers or mothers should have to stand in the playground with their
kids
Use synonyms
. If
kids
Use synonyms
 get injured, they can deal with it instantly.
That is
Linking Words
 very important. If children have plenty of free
time
Use synonyms
, that will be risky. Who knows what will they do in that period? On top of that,
kids
Use synonyms
 usually do not have too much homework to do in the early grades in elementary schools.
As a result
Linking Words
, they have enough leisure
time
Use synonyms
 to do anything they want. Some of them do not go to learn instruments, sports, languages, and so on. They feel so bored all the
time
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, some gangsters think
this
Linking Words
 is good for
recruit
Change the verb form
recruiting
show examples
 them to do illegal stuff.
For instance
Linking Words
, when I was a primary school student, some of my classmates joined a criminal organization. They did some things bad, and several guys were caught by
Correct article usage
the polices
show examples
polices
Correct subject-verb agreement
police
show examples
. In the end, they were living in a jail. In a nutshell, in order to keep your
kids
Use synonyms
 safe, it is vital to deprive some part of their freedom. Another reason is that if they have
time
Use synonyms
 they do not how to use it, they may be hired by someone and they could do terrible things.
Thus
Linking Words
, they should not have a long
time
Use synonyms
 for themself.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Be sure to directly answer the question in your introduction to clearly establish your position from the beginning.
task response
Try to develop your main points more thoroughly with explanation and examples. This enhances the clarity and depth of your argument.
coherence cohesion
Maintain a clear structure through the use of paragraphs. Starting each paragraph with a clear topic sentence can help guide the reader.
coherence cohesion
To improve cohesion, consider using a wider range of linking words and phrases to more clearly connect your ideas.
general
Carefully proofread your essay to correct minor inaccuracies or typographical errors.
task response
You've effectively provided specific examples to support your argument, which strengthens your essay.
coherence cohesion
The inclusion of an introduction and a conclusion helps frame your argument, effectively guiding the reader through your essay.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: