IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Nowadays many people have access to computers on a wide basis and a large number of children play computer games. What are the negative impacts of playing computer games and what can be done to minimize the bad effects?

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In recent times, computers have become widely available to everyone, negatively impacting
children
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 as they use them for playing video
games
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. There are solutions to reduce these negative impacts. One of the major problems of
children
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 playing
computer
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games
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 is that they fall behind in their studies. As they spend most of their
time
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 playing, they are left with less
time
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 to study and cannot fully grasp the concepts in that limited
time
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. Another major problem is that kids become captivated by
computer
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games
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 and show less interest in tangible experiences. Most of them are less likely to perform any physical activities or engage in real-life social interactions because they are habituated to staying on their couch and interacting through video game chat boxes. A recent study showed that most Generation Z kids who play
computer
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games
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 regularly have fewer social skills compared to others, as they mainly communicate through game chat boxes and interact with very few people in real life. It is important to take action to combat these problems. Parents should monitor their
children
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while
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 they play
games
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 on the
computer
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. They should impose restrictions on gaming
time
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 and offer rewards based on the
time
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 spent studying.
Furthermore
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, guardians should encourage their kids to go outside and play physical
games
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 rather than virtual ones. They should
also
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 share their childhood experiences of playing outside and having strong social friendships so that
children
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 feel motivated to go outside and engage in sports. In conclusion, computers are now widely available to everyone, and many
children
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 spend
time
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 playing
games
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 on them, which negatively impacts their studies, social interactions, and physical fitness.
However
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, with the right actions by parents, these negative effects can be reduced.

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task achievement
The essay presents the main issues regarding the negative impacts of computer games effectively. However, try to expand on the ideas presented, perhaps by providing more specific examples or case studies to illustrate your points.
coherence and cohesion
While the overall logical flow is good, some paragraphs could be better linked for smoother transitions. Make sure to use linking words for clarity and to improve coherence.
task achievement
Although you have introduced solutions to the issues raised, consider adding more innovative or diverse strategies. This will show a deeper understanding of the topic and enhance the 'task achievement' score.
content
The introduction effectively sets the scene for the discussion and outlines the main idea of the essay clearly.
content
You provided practical solutions to the identified problems, demonstrating a proactive approach to addressing the negative impacts of computer games.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • addiction
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • obesity
  • eye strain
  • inappropriate content
  • social skills
  • isolation
  • academic performance
  • time limits
  • parental supervision
  • age-appropriate
  • physical activities
  • digital literacy
  • balanced computer usage
  • excessive gaming
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