IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In the past, shopping was a routine domestic task. Many people nowadays regard it as a hobby. To what extent do you think this is a positive trend?

People in the past used to purchase things as their duty,
whereas
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 today , more folks consider it a hobby , and they enjoy shopping. In my opinion,
this
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 is totally positive because
this
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 change of thinking can improve quality of
life
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 and can be used as a way of reducing stress from their daily lives. To start with, finding shopping enjoyable can enrich your
life
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.
This
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 is because in
this
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 modern society, an increasing number of adults tend to deal with more burdens,
such
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 as taking care of their children and working as full-time workers,
as well as
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 looking after their parents. For those kinds of residents with burdens, buying what they want can be one of the curative ways to become optimistic about
life
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, resulting in a better quality of
life
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.
According to
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 a public opinion poll conducted by the NHK shopping programme in 2018, 80% of citizens aged from 20 to 80 in Tokyo felt more positive towards their
life
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 as they go shopping on a weekly basis, which
consequently
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 affected not only their private
life
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 but
also
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 their motivation for work.
In addition
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, nowadays, there has been a wide variety of things at shops, ranging from food to cosmetics from all over the world, most of which were not available at a market in the past. When modern people with decent careers feel stressed out
due to
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 overworking, these new products can ease their mental fatigue , and they may end up buying the products. Some recent statistics provided by the Chinese government in 2023
,
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apply
show examples
 said that more and more products show up in their markets every year in China, and 60% of Chinese residents go shopping five times a week after work to reduce stress, which makes their lives stress-free.
To sum up
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, nowadays, a lot of individuals go shopping for their joy ,
while
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 in the past, buying things was regarded as what they had to do. I strongly believe that
this
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 development is a positive thing, because shopping can help them gain optimism about their
life
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 and because it can
also
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 curb stress in their lives.

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task response
Be sure to show both sides of the issue. State clearly how far you think this trend goes, and give a balanced view.
coherence cohesion
Give a strong plan and clear idea in each paragraph. Use topic sentences, one main idea per paragraph, and link ideas with clear signs.
task response
Clear position on the issue.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion present.
task response
Reasonable ideas about life quality and stress.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • consumerism
  • retail therapy
  • materialism
  • disposable income
  • economic growth
  • financial instability
  • environmental impact
  • social interaction
  • community building
  • emotional satisfaction
  • advertising influence
  • shopping habits
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