IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people argue that all experimentation on animals is bad and should be outlawed. However, others believe that important scientific discoveries can be made from animal experiments. Can experimentation on animals be justified? Are there any alternatives? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience. Write at least 250 words.

#people #experimentation #animals #discoveries #experiments #alternatives
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Scientific advancement is critical for the future of the human race. In order to do so, experiments have to be carried out on different animal species to test out various theories and their viability. As
such
, a handful of people
carry
Verb problem
hold
show examples
 the opinion that it should be considered illegal to perform scientific experiments on these
animals
. In
this
 essay, I will delve into whether
these
Change the determiner
this
show examples
 experimentation is justifiable and
further
 explore other options in the name of science. To start,
due to
 the ever-changing landscape of viruses around us, it is inevitable that scientists test out new scientific studies to keep abreast
our
Change preposition
of our
show examples
 knowledge of what is going on. These studies, if
results
Correct subject-verb agreement
result
show examples
 in a positive and successful outcome will be well on
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 way to becoming vaccines which will help to save millions of lives.
However
, before that production stage, experimentations have to be
begin trying
Wrong verb form
tried
show examples
 out on
animals
first,
due to
 a law implemented against companies for carrying out human trials before
animals
Change the noun form
animal
show examples
 trials.
Although
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 it might seem
as
Change preposition
like
show examples
 a form of cruelty to some people, it is absolutely essential. With some
animals
 having almost similar genetic material as
humans
, being successful in these
trial
Fix the agreement mistake
trials
show examples
 will provide enough evidence for the vaccine to work in
humans
 as well.
For instance
, in the COVID-19 global pandemic,
due to
 successful results from carrying out
vaccines
Change the noun form
vaccine
show examples
 trials on laboratory rats,
that is
 why many lives across the world
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 saved.
On the other hand
, as animal rights
activist
Fix the agreement mistake
activists
show examples
 are calling for the scientific community to impose a law to make it illegal for
animal
Fix the agreement mistake
animals
show examples
 to suffer in place of
humans
, we should explore whether there are viable alternatives. In gist, there is only
main
Correct pronoun usage
one main
show examples
 consideration to keep a mind out for, the genetic material.
Are
Correct subject-verb agreement
Is
show examples
 there anything out there that
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 a similar makeup as
humans
 for experimentation to be able to apply if
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
 successful
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
This
 alone
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 narrows down the search to a handful of
animals
, most commonly used are lab rats and chimpanzees.
For example
, should
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
COVID-19 be performed on a duck, it will not be able to
consider
Wrong verb form
considered
show examples
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
safe for people
due to
dissimilarity
Correct article usage
the dissimilarity
show examples
 of DNA. To end, in the name of science and the human race, the exploration into the unknown, especially diseases, I believe that studies have to be carried out on
animals
 in place of
humans
,
due to
 legality issues.
Although
, It might seem cruel
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
no other alternatives are as compatible as certain species from the animal kingdom which will be pivotal as we discover new medicine.
Submitted by chubbybunny on

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structure
Ensure that each paragraph clearly presents and develops a single main idea. While your paragraphs do touch on relevant points, refining the focus further can enhance clarity and depth.
cohesion
Consider using a wider variety of cohesive devices beyond 'to start', 'on the other hand', and 'to end'. These transitions are clear, but the inclusion of more sophisticated linking phrases could further improve the flow of your essay.
specificity
When giving examples, specifically naming the laws or scientific studies you refer to could strengthen your argument. This adds credibility to your points and demonstrates a deeper understanding of the topic.
depth
Reflect more on the ethical implications and explore the nuances in the debate. This could involve examining the conditions under which animal testing might be considered necessary or discussing the ongoing development of alternatives such as computer modeling or tissue culture experiments.
introduction
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, presenting a balanced view and clearly stating the essay's direction.
conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarises your main points and reaffirms your stance, providing a strong closure to your argument.
example
Your use of the COVID-19 pandemic as an example is relevant and supports your argument well, showing how animal testing has contributed to important scientific advances.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • scientific breakthroughs
  • ethical concerns
  • alternatives
  • animal testing
  • moral implications
  • ethical considerations
  • vivisection
  • research methods
  • ethical dilemmas
  • animal welfare
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