IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The internet could revolutionize the world in the future, if everyone could have easy access to all information that is available on the World Wide Web. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#internet #world #future #access #information #web
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There is an opinion that believes the
Internet
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 is able to make a
revolution
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 all around the
world
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 in the future and it depends on easy
access
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 for individuals to all information on the
World
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 Wide Web. I partly disagree
due to
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 some challenges that might occur during
this
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access
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.
To begin
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 with, there are several benefits from the
Internet
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revolution
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 in our modern life.
Frist
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First
show examples
 thanks to the
Internet
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 it is possible to have communication throughout the
world
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 which might result in cultural exchange among different societies. Exchanging cultures would help individuals to have a new perspective on the
world
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. Take social media as an example, people from various communities are able to find friends from other countries and cultures.
Moreover
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, global knowledge is another positive point of easy
access
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.
For example
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, if all people have a reliable
Internet
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, they might use it to search for new knowledge and learn
them
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it
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.
However
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,
this
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revolution
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 might have some downsides as well. The prime concern is about the privacy and security of the users. The more increasing number of users the more risk of increasing rate of cybercrimes. A good illustration of those crimes might be identity thefts that are able to steal our personal information like passwords and usernames.
In addition
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, another possible issue is that still there are significant disparities in the
access
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 and quality of the
Internet
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 in many parts of the
world
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.
For instance
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, in developing countries, people are dealing with the quality of the
Internet
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.
To sum up
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,
although
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 there are clear benefits from
this
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revolution
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 based on easy
access
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 , there would be some problems that can not be neglected.
Submitted by Pbaharlou70 on

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coherence cohesion
Work on varying your sentence structures to make your writing more engaging and complex. Consider practicing compound and complex sentence forms.
task achievement
Consider delving deeper into the advantages and disadvantages you've mentioned, providing more detailed examples or statistical data to support your points.
general
Double-check your essay for minor spelling and grammar mistakes to enhance the overall presentation of your work.
coherence cohesion
The essay structure is well-organized, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs for both sides of the argument, and a conclusion.
task achievement
You've effectively used examples to support your arguments, like the role of social media in cultural exchange.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • revolutionize
  • world wide web
  • access
  • information
  • innovation
  • progress
  • connectivity
  • global communication
  • information overload
  • misinformation
  • equal access
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