IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Nowadays, more people are choosing to socialize online rather than face to face. Is this a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #face #development
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It is true that recently, the number of individuals who prefer to use social networks to be in contact with
people
Use synonyms
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 been increasing day by day
instead
Linking Words
 of seeing each other
on
Change preposition
apply
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live.
While
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 situation has some positive effects, there are many drawbacks. First of all, it is well known the fact that social media is an inseparable part of our lives
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
these days.
The
Correct article usage
People
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 who are in a wide range in terms of their ages use some applications
such
Linking Words
 as Facebook, Instagram,
Twitter
Correct word choice
and Twitter
show examples
 on both mobile phones and computers.
Therefore
Linking Words
, many choose to communicate with their social environment via
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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 because of the
technologic
Replace the word
technological
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 opportunities of these apps.
For example
Linking Words
, I frequently prefer to chat on
Whatsapp
Correct your spelling
WhatsApp
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 with my friends or share some pictures among us easily or I use Facetime call to see my parents who are living in
other city
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another city
other cities
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.
On the other hand
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, there is no doubt that we have experienced not
able
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being able
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 to see our closest friends and relatives during the epidemic all over the world in recent years.
Due to
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 the fact that there were many restrictions in the countries,
persons
Replace the word
people
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 did not go out of their homes in order to meet with somebody in an open-air place even as I did. That’s why, we heard on
tv’s
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TV
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 that psychologies of the
people
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 were getting worse
due to
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 unsocial
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyles
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 at home and
together with
Linking Words
 only households.
As
Change preposition
In
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
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conclusion, tough social networks have many crucial services to be in contact with
people
Use synonyms
 and provide access convenience to end users,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 may result in
unsocial
Correct article usage
an unsocial
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 and
internet addicted
Add a hyphen
internet-addicted
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life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
.
Thus
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, online communication and meeting up with
people
Use synonyms
 face to face should be kept in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
balance.
Submitted by mentescagri on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure you have a clear stance on the issue throughout your essay. Your introduction indicates a balanced view, but your conclusion leans towards highlighting more negative effects. Clarify your position in the introduction to enhance coherence.
Task Achievement
To improve task achievement, try to provide more balanced argumentation. While you've mentioned both advantages and disadvantages of socializing online, dedicating a bit more detail to the positive aspects could strengthen your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use paragraphing effectively to separate your ideas. You've done well in structuring your essay into paragraphs, but ensuring each paragraph focuses solely on one main idea will make your essay even clearer.
Task Achievement
You provided specific examples, such as using Whatsapp or Facetime, which gives your argument a solid basis and helps the reader understand your point better. Good job!
Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion effectively bookend your essay, presenting and summarizing your arguments in a clear manner.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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