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Band 1

people today find their lives more and more dominated by their jobs To what extent do you agree or disagree

#people #lives #jobs
Nowadays, the development of
tecnology
Correct your spelling
technology
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
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people
's life easier but
also
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
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people
's living
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
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.
The technologies
Correct article usage
Technologies
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they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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can do almost everything that human can do,
thus
a
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apply
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competition
of
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between
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 human and technology
driven
Add a missing verb
has driven
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 a lot of
people
 to improve themself to prevent technologies take
a
Correct article usage
apply
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job from them. 
Technologly
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Technology
 can
finished
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finish
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 something very fast, which
made
Wrong verb form
makes
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 us more impatient. The company need a high
poductivity
Correct your spelling
productivity
 to finish their work dominated
enployee
Correct your spelling
employee
employees
 to take longer working hours.
In addition
, a high living cost
and
Correct word choice
apply
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without
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apply
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goverment's
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goverment
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 support
encoraging
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encourage
people
 to get more than one job
beacuse
Correct your spelling
because
 if they want
good
Correct article usage
a good
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 life quality they want more money.
Submitted by somjutar.ops on

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Topic Focus
Please ensure you clearly address the given topic about whether you agree or disagree that people’s lives are dominated by their jobs. The focus seems to shift to technology's impact, which dilutes the main point.
Structural Improvement
For a stronger structure, include a clear introduction with a thesis statement, body paragraphs that develop your main points, and a conclusion that summarizes your stance.
Coherence enhancement
Work on the coherence of your essay by ensuring a logical flow of ideas. Use transitional phrases to connect ideas smoothly.
Use of Examples
Try to use real-life examples that directly support your arguments. This makes your essay more persuasive and relevant.
Grammar & Spelling Fix
Pay attention to spelling and grammar to ensure clarity in your writing. For example, it's 'technology', not 'tecnology', and 'employee', not 'enployee'.
Engagement with Ideas
You have effectively recognized the importance of technology’s impact on employment, which shows your ability to engage with complex ideas.
Argument Development
You've attempted to develop your arguments by mentioning key issues such as increased living costs and competition with technology, which is a good approach.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • dominated
  • encroaching
  • leisure activities
  • continuous availability
  • productivity
  • remote and hybrid work models
  • blurs the boundaries
  • accessible
  • employment insecurity
  • gig economy
  • work-life balance
  • flexibility
  • automation
  • decrease workloads
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