There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

In our contemporary society, the phenomenon of achieving success in academic life under pressure has been a subject of debate with controversial approaches. Some people claim that
subjects
which do not have any positive impacts on individuals’ academic lives and knowledge should be taken off the school systems,
however
, I am not on the same side with them. In the forthcoming paragraphs, I will elucidate both aspects and try to give a reasonable conclusion from my viewpoint. First and foremost, proponents of the idea which is about removing non-academic
subjects
from the school syllabus allege that these
subjects
do not matter in pupils’ education, they see these kinds of classes as a waste of time.
For instance
,
students
who participate in these classes can be attracted by these kinds of activities, and
as a result
,
students
may ignore other
subjects
in order to show great performance and enhance their skills related to these fields.
Moreover
, if someone has innate skills and is the best among their peers, they can be directed to these sectors by professionals, and in the long run, they will not have any time for their education. Turning to the other side of the coin, it is an inevitable fact that the importance of co-educational branches of study is various. To exemplify,
students
need breaks and refresh their minds between tiring classes to concentrate on each subject well,
while
some can do it easily during the breaks, for others engaging in physical activities can be more effective as it promotes some individuals with a sense of fulfilment, relaxation and being away from the stress.
Additionally
, naturally gifted
students
can gain experience and improve their skills by attending these kinds of branches. In conclusion, after being manifested both points,
while
some people are convinced that the
subjects
which are not related to academic studies should be eliminated from the list of
subjects
, I am absolutely against
this
attitude. From my point of view, all
subjects
are important for
students
and it is ideal to strike a balance between both academic and physical courses of study.
Submitted by writingbhos on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Make sure to develop your main points more fully with a wider range of examples to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Try to connect your ideas more smoothly with clear transitional phrases to improve the flow of your essay.
introduction conclusion present
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively set up and wrap up your argument.
logical structure
You've structured your essay logically, with a clear progression of ideas.
complete response
Your essay responds fully to the task, presenting a balanced view with reasoned arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • pressure
  • succeed
  • academically
  • non-academic
  • physical education
  • cookery
  • school syllabus
  • concentrate
  • academic work
  • well-rounded
  • enhancement
  • practical skills
  • balanced education system
What to do next:
Look at other essays: