IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many people use social media every day to get in touch with others and news events. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages

#people #media #touch #news #events #outweigh
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In the contemporary era,
people
Use synonyms
 tend to maintain relations with their friends and acquaint themselves with the
news
Use synonyms
 through socializing platforms available over the internet. I think its advantages are far more appealing than the disadvantages
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 will be examined
further
Linking Words
 in
this
Linking Words
 essay.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, social
media
Use synonyms
 is much more interactive than print
media
Use synonyms
 or any other communication
sources
Fix the agreement mistake
source
show examples
 of the past decades. At
first,
Linking Words
these are convenient and speedy ways through which information can be analyzed and
news
Use synonyms
 can be heard. As compared to
present
Correct article usage
the present
show examples
, the
media
Use synonyms
 was slower in the past and only provided
news
Use synonyms
 on the next day of the incident which reduces the urgency of the issue.
However
Linking Words
, these days
news
Use synonyms
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
spread
Use synonyms
 so quickly on the internet that it demonstrates the urgency and even
people
Use synonyms
 take necessary actions to avoid future consequences of any negative
news
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, nowadays, during the epidemic of
corona virus
Correct your spelling
coronavirus
show examples
,
people
Use synonyms
were
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 provided with safety measures to prevent the
spread
Use synonyms
 which was not possible during
bygone
Correct article usage
the bygone
show examples
 eras of print
media
Use synonyms
.
Apart from
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, the different social networking apps are crucial tools to coordinate with
people
Use synonyms
 at work.
For instance
Linking Words
,
gmail
Change the capitalization
Gmail
show examples
 helps to convey
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
messages to different
people
Use synonyms
 at work or even
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
personal messages which are quicker than
mails
Fix the agreement mistake
mail
show examples
 or postal letters.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, some of the disadvantages could affect the
overall
Linking Words
 positive impact of these platforms. One
such
Linking Words
 shortcoming is
Use synonyms
spread
Correct article usage
the spread
show examples
 of negative
news
Use synonyms
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 a speedy way which can result in numerous
bad
Correct word choice
negative
show examples
 effects
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. To illustrate it, the
news
Use synonyms
 of discrimination
with
Change preposition
against
show examples
 a black man turned into riots and the
spread
Use synonyms
 of information too fast became problematic to the general public.
Consequently
Linking Words
, in some cases, it can face criticism from some sections of society
Rephrase
apply
show examples
also
Linking Words
.
To conclude
Linking Words
, the positive prospects of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social
media
Use synonyms
 use will continue in the future. The numerous upsides of quick access to knowledge at just one click bring about faith in technology.
Although
Linking Words
, it fails to adhere to
such
Linking Words
 results in some situations. In a nutshell, the positive aspects
outweighs
Change the verb form
outweigh
show examples
 the drawbacks of the socializing platforms.
Submitted by Kiran on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

General
Your essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Continue to ensure your essay flows smoothly from one idea to the next.
Specific Examples
Using specific examples, as you did with the corona virus epidemic, enhances your argument. Try to incorporate even more specific examples or data to strengthen your points further.
Balance & Detail
In discussing the disadvantages, consider expanding your examples and explanations slightly to provide a more balanced view between the advantages and disadvantages. This will deepen your analysis and potentially enhance your task achievement score.
Grammar & Spelling
Watch out for minor grammatical errors or typos that could slightly distract the reader. Even though these don’t significantly affect your score, refining your proofreading skills could polish your presentation even more.
Argumentation
You've effectively demonstrated the significance of the topic and provided a reasoned argument, which is crucial for both task achievement and coherence.
Transitions & Linking
Your use of transitional phrases to link ideas and paragraphs contributes to the essay's coherence and flow. This is an excellent practice for ensuring readers can follow your argument easily.
Introduction & Conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively encapsulate your main points. This strengthens the overall impact of your essay.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: