Business and Money In some countries, a few people earn extremely high salaries. Some people think that this is good for a country, while others believe that the government should control salaries and limit the amount people can earn. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

People are rewarded with exorbitant
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
show examples
of payments for their
work
in some of the nations.
While
some sections of
individuals
say that
this
is
positive
Add an article
a positive
show examples
development
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
others believe that
this
practice should be discontinued and the
government
should regulate the earnings. I reckon that high performers should be rewarded adequately and it
shoud
Correct your spelling
should
not be limited by the
government
.
To begin
with, the high paid jobs are done by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
highly qualified
individuals
who usually gain
such
kind
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kinds
show examples
of positions after
long
Change the article
a long
show examples
time of hard
work
and determination.
Also
, their jobs include too much stress and the burden of responsibilities which should be remitted with high salaries.
For example
, doctors have to go through almost ten years of
contionous
Correct your spelling
continuous
effort to gain that degree and qualification to practice in that profession. Eventually,
this
is the most
sought after
Add a hyphen
sought-after
show examples
career because of
such
charateristics
Correct your spelling
characteristics
. If the
government
will try
Wrong verb form
tries
show examples
to control the salary of
such
careers
then
it could lead to demotivation among people to do these jobs. These professions are already lacking
talented
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a talented
show examples
workforce and
this
regulation could certainly lead to less choosing
such
fields in the future.
Moreover
, the employees who are more creative and productive benefit through their expertise and earn more pay than any ordinary worker of the company.
Therefore
, an individual should be appraised in a timely manner to get promoted to better ranks.
Hence
, resulting in more pay. Eventually, it promotes
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
effective and
qualtitative
Correct your spelling
qualitative
quantitative
work
standards at the workplace. It
also
encourages employee to earn more skills and contribute to their team which
finally
contributes to the complete transformation of an organization. So, the governments should not
destablize
Correct your spelling
destabilize
such
platforms.
To conclude
, certain
individuals
are paid better
due to
their qualifications and expertise in the company they
work
for.
Hence
, I reaffirm my opinion that these
individuals
deserve
such
kind
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kinds
show examples
of appraisals and should not be controlled by the
government
.
Submitted by Kiran on

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coherence cohesion
Make sure to use a range of linking phrases effectively to guide the reader through your arguments more smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Ensure variety in your sentence structures to keep the essay engaging and demonstrate your language skills.
task achievement
Consider expanding your examples with more details and specificity to strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Work on developing your paragraphs with clear topic sentences that introduce the main idea you will discuss in each paragraph.
task achievement
You have clearly addressed the essay prompt by discussing both views and giving your opinion, which is a strong aspect of Task Achievement.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a logical flow from introduction to conclusion, which enhances its readability and coherence.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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