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Band 5.5

Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission outweigh the disadvantages?

#museums #charge #admission #people
A significant portion of historic art buildings seek payment to permit entrance to the enthusiasts
while
 others provide
this
 facility without any charge. I believe charging a certain amount of fees is essential and it undermines the downsides of
such
 practice.
To begin
 with, art monuments costing
an
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apply
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admission fees are at
superior
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a superior
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 level than others. There are many factors that
attribute
Verb problem
contribute
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 to
such
 fact. At
first,
museums need maintenance on
daily
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a daily
show examples
 basis. Certain artefacts stored in the museum have to be preserved in a technical way. Many scientific equipments are used to fulfill
such
 kind of purpose.
For instance
, some excavated things from the bygone eras require chemical preservation methods. It may cost the authorities
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
.
Thus
,
public
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the public
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 should reimburse that cost by paying ticket fees.
Apart from
this
, these monuments require many associates to maintain cleanliness and order
of
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in
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 the environment of
museum
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the museum
a museum
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. It is the
responsibilty
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responsibility
 of
public
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the public
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 to maintain these resourceful
places
 for themselves and
their
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the
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 next generations.
Consequently
,
such
 informational buildings will remain intact by the funding provided by the masses.
On the contrary
, there are some monuments that give free access to
masses
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the masses
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. It
also
have
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has
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 some benefits because these resourceful
places
 will provide information to the public about
past
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the past
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 without costing any money.
Although
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However
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,
such
places
have
Add a missing verb
do have
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 not much longer life spans and generally
deteroriate
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deteriorate
deteriorated
due to
 negligence in maintenance.
As a result
,
free of cost
Add a hyphen
free-of-cost
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 service could not save the future presence of these
places
.
To conclude
, museums that charge money from
public
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the public
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 are well-maintained and preserved by the state or private authorities. The positive impact of
this
 will be that these will be available to
the
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apply
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future generations and provide
understanding
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an understanding
show examples
 of the past effectively. Despite the positive impacts of charging payment, it could increase
burden
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the burden
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 on
public
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the public
show examples
 for its maintenance. In a nutshell, it is
overall
Correct article usage
an overall
show examples
 positive practice.
Submitted by DIANA on

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Task Achievement
Your essay provides a clear viewpoint and discusses both sides efficiently. However, providing more specific examples to support your arguments could enhance your score.
Coherence & Cohesion
To improve clarity, consider varying your sentence structures more and avoiding repetition of phrases. This will add sophistication to your writing.
Coherence & Cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are well-defined, setting a strong foundation for your argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
The essay maintains a logical structure, guiding the reader clearly through your arguments.
Task Achievement
Your main points are supported, and the reasons behind your opinion are clear, making your arguments persuasive.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Admission fee
  • Revenue stream
  • Maintenance
  • Overcrowding
  • Commercialization
  • Cultural heritage
  • Diverse attendance
  • Community ownership
  • Access to culture
  • Visitor experience
  • Exhibit quality
  • Cultural mission
  • Reliance on funding
  • Government subsidies
  • Cultural accessibility
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