In some countries, people's weight has significantlyincreased, while their levels of health have decreased. What do you think may be the causes of this problem,and what solutions can you suggest to solve them?
In recent years,more and more people have become overweight and their physical fitness level has declined and it has created great concern among some countries.In my opinion,the major causes of
this
problem are the availability of unhealthy foods
as well as
technological advancements.To address this
issue effectively, governments should raise awareness about the detrimental effects of these foods
and levy high taxes on them.
There are several factors that lead to overweight among consumers.One major factor that causes obesity is that consumers eat junk foods
excessively because they are cheaper than healthy ones and consequently
,people,particularly those who have a limited budget are more inclined to consume these unhealthy options.For example
,in the USA,the prices of fast foods
such
as hamburgers and pizza are more accessible than healthy ones in restaurants and as a result
, customers tend to purchase these types of foods
,which ultimately leads to increased weight among residents.Another primary reason is that as technologies have made residents' lives easier ,they prefer convenience rather than doing physical activities and consequently
,it leads to a decrease in their physical fitness.For instance
,as public transportation has made it easier for people's lives to commute short distances ,they use transportation instead
of going for a walk and it results in a decreasing level of fitness.
To eradicate this
issue,there are several effective ways.Firstly
, state officials should raise awareness among customers regarding the deleterious effects of these foods
because residents are not aware of the consequences of them and as a result
, they consume them excessively.By giving information about its adverse effects,individuals can deter from purchasing it and think about second time before eating it.Furthermore
,the government should impose high taxes on fast foods
,as a result
,it can be a deterrent way for consumers as well as
entice them to buy healthy options.
All in all,excessive consumption of junk foods
has created great concern among some countries and I believe that it might happen because of the accessibility of fast foods
as well as
a tendency for convenience and it is possible to solve this
problem by giving information about its negative impacts and putting high taxes on them.Submitted by Name_1234 on
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coherence cohesion
Great job on maintaining a logical structure throughout your essay. Your clear introduction, well-developed body paragraphs, and a meaningful conclusion helped in presenting your ideas cohesively. Keep up the good work.
task achievement
You've successfully addressed the topic by identifying the causes and suggesting solutions to the obesity issue. Moving forward, consider incorporating a wider range of specific examples to support your main points for an even stronger argument.
minor errors
Be mindful of minor grammatical errors and word choice to enhance clarity. Although these inaccuracies do not drastically impede understanding, refining them will improve the overall readability and professionalism of your writing.
Specific Examples
Effective use of examples to illustrate points, particularly the mention of the United States and the price accessibility of fast foods versus healthier options.
Task Comprehension
The essay reflects a good comprehension of the task with a well-organized structure and clear argumentation. Your conclusion effectively summarizes the ideas presented and reinforces your viewpoint.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
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