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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The graph below shows the different modes of transport used to travel to and from work in one European city in 1960, 1980 and 2000. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information below.

The graph below shows the different modes of transport used to travel to and from work in one European city in 1960, 1980 and 2000. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information below.
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The graph shown above illustrates the numbers of various ways
people
Use synonyms
 travel to and from
work
Use synonyms
 in 1960, 1980, and 200. Each
stacks
Change to a singular noun
stack
show examples
 represents the quantity used in each specific
year
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, blue shows the quantity during the
year
Use synonyms
 1960, red shows the
year
Use synonyms
 1980, and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
green shows the
year
Use synonyms
 2000.
However
Linking Words
, as for the Y axis, let's assume that it draws the percentage of the
people
Use synonyms
 using which specific means of transportation. Picking up from the first group of stacked
collumns
Correct your spelling
columns
, are the numbers on how many
people
Use synonyms
 commute using the bus. It's shown that
it's
Unnecessary verb
it
show examples
 peaked in the
year
Use synonyms
 1980, when
people
Use synonyms
uses
Change the verb form
use
show examples
bus
Correct article usage
the bus
show examples
 a lot more often.
Then
Linking Words
,
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the second group, it's shown that
people
Use synonyms
 mostly use
car
Add an article
the car
a car
show examples
 to get to
work
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
year
Use synonyms
 2000, which makes
this
Linking Words
 the most popular type of
accomodation
Correct your spelling
accommodation
 used in that
year
Use synonyms
. Moving on, the third group shows that
bike
Fix the agreement mistake
bikes
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 most often used in the
year
Use synonyms
 1960.
Lastly
Linking Words
, walking on foot is the most
way
Correct word choice
common way
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
people
Use synonyms
getting
Change the verb form
to get
show examples
 around to
work
Use synonyms
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
back in the
year
Use synonyms
 1960. In conclusion,
this
Linking Words
 graph demonstrates the most popular way of commuting to
work
Use synonyms
 and home clearly by basing it on the type of vehicle and the
year
Use synonyms
 it's documented
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 data is beneficial for
people
Use synonyms
 who
seeks
Correct subject-verb agreement
seek
show examples
 to use, analyze, and transform it into a report for monitoring or decision-making.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 graph can
also
Linking Words
 be improved by adding even more types of
transportations
Fix the agreement mistake
transportation
show examples
 to make it more comprehensive.
Submitted by rizkyy.utama22 on

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words people, work, year with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 4 times.
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