Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Regarding the growth in technology, the number of kids who have access to these technological sources is increasing rapidly, as a great number of them tend to spend most of their daily
time
on their virtual lives. From my perspective,
this
statement
is the result of upgraded technological
devices
that the companies are providing for individuals.
Although
I find
this
statement
to be an extremely negative development for various reasons. With a comparison between the way of communication by the
last
generations and nowadays, virtual communication is becoming more and more popular every day, as people tend to show more interest in
this
way of talking to others and
this
made the path for these technology companies to provide and upgrade their
devices
.
As a result
, most children are showing more interest in using them than before. Nowadays, a great number of kids own their own smartphones and mostly are using them to communicate with their friends through them which causes them to waste a significantly greater amount of their
time
to be involved in their friend's community and not be left behind. Smartphones are now an inseparable part of adolescents' lives. These
devices
,
moreover
, consist of some interesting features
such
as the capability of watching movies, playing video games, and reading e-books which seem mesmerising to many youngsters and grab their attention to spend hours on their phones. In my opinion,
this
statement
has various drawbacks.
Firstly
, it is extremely
time
-consuming as children may find themselves scrolling through social media for many hours without any reason which will take their
time
that has to be spent outside of the house playing with their friends and doing homework.
On the contrary
, the blue light of these
devices
will eventually have a damaging effect on their brain and their ability to think properly,
as well as
their ability to solve problems and deal with difficulties.
This
statement
,
furthermore
, may lead youngsters to become unsociable and depressed over
time
.
For instance
, if a child only speaks to his friends through texting them, he would not be able to express his ideas clearly when it comes to face-to-face communication, which will make him depressed and anxious.
To sum up
, to me,
that is
a horrible decision to let the kids use their phones as much as they want to since
this
will bring a variety of unforgettable damages
while
they are growing up, as
this
is the
time
when their brains are forming and can have huge drawbacks to their future.
Submitted by mokaddamul on

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task achievement
Try to include more balanced viewpoints or contrasting examples to enrich the argumentation in your essay.
coherence & cohesion
Ensure to maintain a clear and logical progression of ideas throughout the paragraphs.
task achievement
Integrating specific real-world examples or studies can strengthen the argument and make it more compelling.
coherence & cohesion
Consider varying sentence structure and vocabulary to enhance readability and engagement.
introduction
Your introduction set the context very well and clearly stated your opinion.
coherence & cohesion
Good use of linking words to connect ideas and paragraphs.
conclusion
Your conclusion effectively summarized your views and restated your stance.
task achievement
You've addressed the key parts of the task and provided a clear stance on the topic.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
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