In some countries, a few people earn extremely high salaries. Some people think that this is good for a country, while others believe that the government should control salaries and limit the amount people can learn.
Nowadays,
although
some people
are earning uncountable money
from their business
, plenty of Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
indviduals
criticize the situation Correct your spelling
individuals
due to
its harm in countries
, others advocate that a few people
should remain
earning good Verb problem
continue
money
in their job
. Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
This
essay will discuss both these point
of Fix the agreement mistake
points
views
and argue in favour of the letter.
Fix the agreement mistake
view
One
the one hand, quite Correct your spelling
On
small
of employees do compelling Correct article usage
a small
works
in their job area. Fix the agreement mistake
work
Futhermore
, Correct your spelling
Furthermore
As a
result
those individuals deserve impressive cash in the job by taking risks and Add the comma(s)
result,
significiant
roles. Correct your spelling
significant
Salary
is a fundamental method for workers in order to proceed logically their
Change preposition
in their
career
. Was the government lessened their Fix the agreement mistake
careers
salary
, they would not be motivated so as
to work in the office. Correct word choice
apply
For instance
, in 2018 Spain government amended their rules about salaries
in jobs. it was observed that a myriad of people
dismissed their work. Moreover
, does
earning huge Unnecessary verb
apply
money
contributes people's
focus on their work, and it Change preposition
to people's
also
promotes human's
life quality. In Change noun form
human
this
way criminal issues would have an
downward trend around the country.
Correct article usage
a
On the other hand
, finance
system of the country might be exposed by some individuals earning a lot of Correct article usage
the finance
money
. Besides
, Governments could reduce their other contribution for
the environment in order to provide a fund for employees deserving to earn good Change preposition
to
salary
. Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
For example
, Correct article usage
the republic
republic
of Turkey was able to present Capitalize word
Republic
their
financial circumstance by benefitting from the method. Correct pronoun usage
its
Thus
, countries
tend to reduce significiant
Correct your spelling
significant
people
's salary
so as to provide locals Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
beneficial
opportunities.
In my opinion, Change preposition
with beneficial
Correct article usage
the economy
economy
ministry in Replace the word
economic
countries
should lessen amount
of Add an article
the amount
salaries
for spesific
persons in order to navigate Correct your spelling
specific
economic
source of Correct article usage
the economic
country
to Add an article
the country
other part
of things.
In conclusion, developing Change the wording
another part
other parts
salaries
has an
Correct article usage
apply
extremely
disadvantages for citizens Change the word
extreme
becouse
of its burden on Correct your spelling
because
economy
. Add an article
the economy
However
, this
essay advocate
that Change the verb form
advocates
countries
should amend their precedures
on Correct your spelling
procedures
salaries
to provide locals good
opportunities.Change preposition
with good
Submitted by samedsaysg on
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structure
Try to maintain a clear structure in your essay with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Make sure each paragraph focuses on a specific point.
clarity
In your essay, aim for clarity in your argument. At times, it can seem a bit convoluted. Make your stance clear from the beginning and consistently support it throughout.
evidence
Use specific examples to support your arguments. While you mention examples, more detailed and specific cases would strengthen your essay.
accuracy
Watch for grammatical errors and strive for more accuracy in your use of vocabulary. Minor inaccuracies can distract from your argument.
introduction
You effectively introduced the essay topic and provided a stance in the introduction.
balance
The effort to balance both viewpoints before stating your own opinion is appreciated.
examples
You attempted to give examples to support your points, which is great practice.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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