IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

A friend of yours is thinking of going on a camping holiday for the first time this summer. He/she asked for your advice. Write a letter to your friend. In your letter: -Explain why you think your friend would enjoy a camping holiday -Describe some possible disadvantages -Say whether you would like to go camping with your friend this summer

#friend #holiday #first #time #summer #advice #-explain #-describe #-say
Dear Baiden, I am writing
this
 letter to provide you with suggestions based on my past experiences so that you can have a great summer vacation. I am aware of your hectic routines that's why I told you multiple times to take a break from your work.
This
 will not only give you some time to relax but
also
 you can enjoy natural beauty.
Moreover
, camping is a great idea to connect with nature where you can enjoy picturesque scenery
while
 cooking, eating, and talking with friends at a bonfire.
However
, there are a few downsides to camping.
Firstly
, you may required to acclimatise yourself
according to
 the weather or else you will catch a cold and for that reason, you should wear warm clothes.
Then
, public toilets are mostly unhygienic.
Finally
, remote sites are expensive.
Therefore
, there are some challenges you are gonna face. Since it has been long I went on a vacation and you are planning for it.
Hence
, definitely, I will join you and we will have fun together. I look forward to hearing from you soon. Best wishes, Putin
Submitted by faisalmahamood on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
The introduction is good, but the letter should more explicitly address the first bullet point by clearly explaining why the candidate believes their friend would enjoy a camping holiday. Consider providing specific examples or personal anecdotes that could help make this point.
Task Achievement
Some details are directly addressing the disadvantages but could be more specific. Try to elaborate on why and how these disadvantages affect the camping experience.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider organizing your paragraphs to discuss each bullet point in the order they are presented in the question. This will help improve the logical flow.
Coherence and Cohesion
Greeting and closing of the letter are well-done, adhering to the conventions of a personal letter.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single idea. While the letter does this quite well, some paragraphs could be split for clarity.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: