Many people use social media every day to get in touch with others and news events. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages

Nowadays,
technology
can support our daily activities
such
as communicating with
friends
or
our
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
family and brainstorming with our
supervisor
or brotherhood.
Furthermore
,
technology
makes it easier to
try
Add the particle
try to
show examples
finish our assignments. Personally, I totally agree with
this
statement because it makes it efficient when we use
technology
in our daily
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. First and foremost,
technology
has been rapidly growing like a smartphone and laptops which can communicate using video calls and
also
has a lot of features
such
as expression or tools to change our clothes.
Moreover
, it can support
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
cutting-edge
time
when we have meetings in real life.
For instance
, final-year students at university have
schedule
Wrong verb form
scheduled
show examples
to meet with their
supervisor
because they should report their undergraduate thesis progress.
In addition
, some students prefer to use media social like Zoom or Skype for meeting with their
supervisor
because they believe that meetings use
technology
more effectively than face-to-face.
Secondly
,
technology
is safer than face-to-face when they have appointments at night.
On the other hand
, communicating face-to-face has some benefits
such
as we can see expressions
our
Change preposition
of our
show examples
friends
and their intonation.
As a result
, we can keep and touch with our
friends
and know about their real condition.
However
, some people cannot flexibly manage their
time
because they
are need
Change the verb form
need
show examples
to discuss with their
friends
or
supervisor
to make appointments.
For example
, some supervisors at the university have regulations which should
meet
Wrong verb form
be met
show examples
offline on campus. So, students should manage and spare their
time
to meet with their
supervisor
.
To conclude
,
technology
gives more advantages, especially for communicating with their
friends
or
supervisor
because it can cutting-edge
time
and can be flexible.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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Support & Clarity
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea supported by examples or explanations. Some paragraphs could benefit from more detailed support and clearer connections between ideas.
Cohesion Devices
Use a wider range of cohesive devices (e.g., conjunctions, pronouns) to better link ideas and paragraphs, enhancing coherence.
Task Response
When presenting advantages and disadvantages, provide a balanced discussion. After discussing both views, ensure to clearly justify why one outweighs the other.
Introduction & Conclusion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the essay.
Task Addressed
Your essay adequately addresses the task, stating your position on the advantages outweighing the disadvantages of technology in communication.
Examples Used
You included relevant examples to support your points, such as the use of Zoom or Skype for meetings.
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