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Band 7

It is irrefutable that learning mathematics in educational system has become a topic of debate among parents. While some parents think that teaching mathematics is unimportant, other parents believe that this subject is a fundamental part of education. This essay wil discuss both sides of this topic.

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In contemporary society, the topic of
mathematics
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 in
schools
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 has become increasingly prominent.
Moreover
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, some parents argue that
maths
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 is not important,
whereas
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 some believe it is a fundamental part of education.
Thus
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,
this
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 essay will discuss the cognitive impact of
mathematics
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,
while
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also
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 considering the educational obligation that
schools
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 have to accommodate all types of learners.
Firstly
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, one paramount benefit is the unparalleled convenience it offers for various aspects of a child's cognitive development.
For example
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, a study done at Harvard University found that mathematical concepts are found in everyday objects
,
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apply
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 and that the average person unknowingly uses
mathematics
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 about 80% a day when identifying objects or solving complex problems.
Furthermore
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,
mathematics
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 is vital to advance technology and perform breakthrough inventions that can benefit the future.
Thus
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, it is essential to acknowledge that
maths
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 plays a momentous role
on
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in
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 someone's intellectual abilities and can be considered as a fundamental part of education.
Secondly
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, all educational institutions have a moral standard to accommodate different
students
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. To illustrate
this
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, High School Sunrise do not include
maths
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 as part of their curriculum, because 65% of their
students
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 have a below average IQ. Given
this
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, it is imperative that
schools
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 still enhance learning, even towards children who have intellectual disabilities.
In addition
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 to
this
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, it is notable that
mathematics
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 is unimportant in cases like these,
however
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, if a student has the cognitive skills to do
maths
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,
then
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 it should be encouraged.
Hence
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,
maths
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 is important in some cases, but there are exceptions where it is not important. In conclusion, it is my contention that
schools
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 should encourage
mathematics
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 where possible, but keep in mind that not all
students
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 have the cognitive skills to master the subject. If
students
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 are encouraged to develop
according to
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 their abilities,
then
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 a more balanced lifestyle might occur in the foreseeable future.

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task achievement
Ensure that examples used to support arguments are specific and clearly connected to the point being made. While the essay references studies and scenarios, including more specific data or sources could strengthen the argument.
coherence cohesion
Consider varying sentence structures and transitions to enhance readability and flow. While the essay is well-organized, introducing more sophisticated language and diverse expressions can improve its overall coherence.
task achievement
The essay provides a balanced view by discussing both the importance of mathematics and the necessity to accommodate students with different abilities.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion effectively frame the discussion, presenting a clear thesis and summarizing the arguments convincingly.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure and organization of your essay facilitate understanding and make your argument compelling.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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