Some think spending a lot on birthday celebration and weddings is a waste of money. Others think that it is important for young people and society. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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A certain number of people opine that birthday celebrations and weddings cost a lot of money for the young and society,

while

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others think it should not cost that huge amount. I do agree with the statement which will be described below.

First,

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one of the most obvious advantages of birthday celebrations and weddings is having people gather around and be cheerful but

this

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costs a lot of items to please all of them. Spending a budget is a must to pay to just put yourself amongst the crowd.

Moreover

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, those attending a party or wedding are mostly not important ones. They just come for fun, grab some drinks, and hang out with their friend.

For instance

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according to

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a recent study from the Faculty of Economics, at Harvard University, 8 out of 10 U.S. citizens tend to spend 70 per cent of their celebration costs with unnecessary people.

On the other hand

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, It is a culture to do a celebration for those ceremonies but it can be done at a lower cost. The key to all events is only to have a necessary person witness the situation in your life. So that, for the wedding, it only needs relatives and God to know your happened relationship. But for the birthdate, you may need only your family. To illustrate

this

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, a survey recently conducted by the New York Times revealed that two-thirds of Americans can save huge amounts of budget and happily married without fancy food or unnecessary items.

To conclude

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, the birthday celebration and wedding are unnecessary to pay a lot of money for but for a wedding that must be done by the culture, it can be done by only a family member and the church.

amittawinSun Nov 17 2024

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coherence cohesion

Improve paragraph structure by breaking down long sentences for clearer understanding.

task achievement

Strengthen task response by adding more analysis and balancing both views equally.

coherence cohesion

Ensure that all ideas are logically connected and the essay flows smoothly from one point to the next.

task achievement

You provided relevant statistics to support your ideas, which strengthens your argument.

coherence cohesion

The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which gives it a defined structure.

task achievement

You demonstrated an understanding of both perspectives of the topic.

8
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 9.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

288 words

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Some think spending a lot on birthday celebration and weddings is a waste of money. Others think that it is important for young people and society. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

It is commonly believed that nowadays main factors that affect a child's development are media, pop culture and friends. A different point of view is that family plays the most significant role.

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