IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that technology has led to many positive developments in their lives, while others think technology is gradually taking over control of the way people live. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

#people #technology #developments #lives #control
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Really,there are positive and negative
opinion
Fix the agreement mistake
opinions
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 about
Add an article
the
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impact of
technology
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 on their lives.some
people
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 think smart
life
Use synonyms
 has
positive
Add an article
a positive
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 effect on their
habitance
Correct your spelling
habitants
habitant
 because they can do
soeasy
Correct your spelling
so easy
 their work and daily routines . I can not live
with out
Correct your spelling
without
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technology
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 so
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 prefer , it
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use
Change the verb form
uses
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 for my comfort and access easy
Change preposition
to
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everything’s
Unnecessary verb
everything
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 for myself. There are different
advantage
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advantages
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about
Change preposition
of
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technology
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 that you can
observation
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observe
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on
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in
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 your
life
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.a simple example is smart phone
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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we
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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use
Use synonyms
 the phone
for
Change preposition
to
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 pay money
for
Change preposition
to
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 buy something ,play
game
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games
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,
connection
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connect
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,
use
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 social media , research
about
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apply
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everything and
meeting
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meet
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,
even
Correct pronoun usage
We even
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 you can watch the newest movie and read a book
.so
Correct your spelling
so
 we can utilization you will have the most comfortable
life
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 with
technology
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furthermore
Linking Words
 you can save a time .in fact , we can improve and optimize our
life
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. Scientists
everyday
Replace the word
every day
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 establishes
a
Correct article usage
apply
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new
technology
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such
Linking Words
 as
Add an article
a robot
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robot
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robots
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 that
it
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apply
show examples
can help
to
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apply
show examples
human
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humans
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,
nursing
Correct word choice
and nursing
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 from older or
use
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 AI that
could
Wrong verb form
can
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 investigate
about
Change preposition
apply
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everything’s
Unnecessary verb
everything
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 in the world
while
Linking Words
 all the information has
update
Change the verb form
updated
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 or make a car that
could
Wrong verb form
can
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 drive without a driver that it
is incredibly reduce
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incredibly reduces
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accident
Fix the agreement mistake
accidents
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 so
technology
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is benefit
Change the verb form
benefits
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human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
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 and will be.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,some
people
Use synonyms
 believe
usage
Add an article
the usage
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 of
technology
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 has an equally damaging effect on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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real
life
Use synonyms
.effective
such
Linking Words
 as,they will have
not
Correct your spelling
no
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direct connection with
people
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 , maybe it has a destructive impression on their brain,they like to put in isolation,the human
don’t
Change the verb form
doesn’t
show examples
 exercise and day to day their becomes lazier but everything
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
in dependent
Correct your spelling
independent
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 on their personality . In fact,if
people
Use synonyms
 can not
use
Use synonyms
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology
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 the best way,it is their problem because if you can manage your personality,you can exploit everything in the worst
condishion
Correct your spelling
condition
conditions
.so
technology
Use synonyms
 is perfect if you want.
Submitted by mayaghini on

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structure
Try to structure your essay more clearly with separate paragraphs for the introduction, each viewpoint, and the conclusion. This will enhance readability and coherence.
clarity & flow
Use topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to make the main idea clear to the reader and to improve the flow of your essay.
grammar & style
Make sure to proofread your essay for grammatical errors and work on using a variety of sentence structures to improve your score.
vocabulary
Incorporate a wider range of vocabulary appropriately to express your thoughts more accurately and effectively.
conclusion
Include a clear conclusion that summarizes the discussion and states your personal viewpoint clearly and succinctly.
understanding
You've shown an understanding of the topic by discussing both sides of the argument regarding technology's impact on our lives.
examples
You provided concrete examples to support your points, which strengthens your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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