IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Write about the following topic: Many people in poor countries die from diseases that are curable because they cannot afford the medication required. Do you believe that drug companies should make their products available at reduced prices in these countries? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience. Write at least 250 words.

#topic #people #countries #diseases #curable #medication #drug #companies #products #prices
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In our fast-paced society, many people in developing countries die because of the lack of access to medicines. Some societies have a notion that drug
companies
Use synonyms
 should make their products less expensive to ensure that everyone can obtain them. I believe that it is important to discuss
this
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 issue comprehensively, and in the forthcoming paragraphs,
this
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 essay will elucidate the reasons
for
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apply
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why l partially agree with
this
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 idea and provide a logical conclusion from my standpoint. First and foremost, the decreased quality of life in poor countries cannot be underestimated
due to
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 the fact that the population usually experiences some mental and physical health disorders.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they are highly recommended with costly medications by their doctors but some individuals do not have enough money to meet their own healthcare needs. If drug
companies
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 find a way to make their prices lower for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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societies in need it can be beneficial for both customers and prominent
companies
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Conversely
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, the reduced prices can result in financial problems for
the
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apply
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companies
Use synonyms
 in medical care.
Thus
Linking Words
, when the costs begin to diminish, the salaries of
workforce
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the workforce
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 will be alleviated by managers because of meeting other needs of their conglomerates.
Furthermore
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, high price tags mean patients take
high quality
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high-quality
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 products to cure. Perhaps the eminent examples of
this
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 would be the expensive drugs and medications which are prescribed by medical care specialists because of their rampant impacts on
body
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the body
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. In conclusion, after having meticulously discussed all the aspects of
this
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 phenomenon. I cannot wholeheartedly concur with
this
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 tendency in the wake of mentioned grounds. There is no doubt that it is possible for outstanding
companies
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 to mitigate the amount of money required for medications,
however
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, we should take into account its dire ramifications
such
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 as monetary challenges and quality problems
while
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 protecting our community from potential threats.
Submitted by writingbhos on

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task achievement
You've provided a reasoned argument with a clear standpoint, but incorporating specific examples from real-life scenarios or credible studies could enhance the relevance and depth of your response.
coherence cohesion
Consider diversifying your sentence structures and linking words to improve the readability and flow of your essay.
task achievement
To strengthen your argument, it's beneficial to directly address how drug companies could potentially lower their prices without compromising their financial stability or the quality of their products.
coherence cohesion
Your essay presents a well-structured argument that examines both sides of the issue, providing a balanced view.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarises your viewpoint, reinforcing the main points of your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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