IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Large businesses have big budgets for marketing and promotion and as a result, people gravitate towards buying their products. What problem does this cause? What could be done to encourage people to buy local product?

#businesses #budgets #promotion #people #gravitate #products #product
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In the modern world,
people
 purchase products from big companies that have spent huge amounts of money on advertisement and promotion.
This
 essay suggests that the biggest problem it causes is small local businesses will not grow and submit that support from the
government
 is the most viable solution. The primary problem caused by consumers buying the most promoted goods is adverse effects on the growth of local enterprises. Promotion through TV and Social Media has a huge impact on
people
's opinions and they trust more. When certain companies do not have enough money for that citizens will not hear and know about a product, and
initially
, there will not be any profit for them.
For example
, 41% of small cafe businesses in Almaty have closed because they haven't had any promotion and
instead
 most of the
people
 preferred to have coffee and tea from known places
such
 as Coffee Boom and Starbucks. The best solution to
this
 issue is help from the local
government
 and with its advertising and among citizens. When it comes to local products
government
 needs to invest in them, because it will affect on economy too.
For example
, every new business should have at least one chance to get support from the
government
 in terms of money or marketing to be more competitive in the business world. In that way, they will be more knowledgeable among local
people
. In conclusion, individuals buying goods only from large businesses leads to the affliction of small startups, but it can be solved with encouragement from the local
government
.
Submitted by forcookiearu on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear and logical structure throughout the essay, with cohesive devices linking ideas more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Expand the development of main points with more varied supporting examples, not just limited to one specific instance or type of business.
task achievement
Consider giving a more detailed explanation of both the causes and solutions you mention, ensuring a balanced approach to both aspects of the prompt.
task achievement
Strive for a more comprehensive conclusion that not only restates the problem and solution but also briefly outlines the implications or benefits of the proposed solution.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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