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Band 6.5

Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be a good member of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #parents #children #member #society #school #place
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Some
people
 say
parents
 should teach
kids
 how to be good
people
.
Others
 think
schools
 should do it. I believe it's the
parents'
Correct your spelling
parent's
show examples
 job to teach their
kids
this
. Some
people
 believe that
parents
 should teach their
kids
 how to be good because
parents
 know their
children
 the best and are around them a lot. They think
parents
 can show their
kids
 how to behave in different situations.
For example
, when a parent helps a
neighbor
Change the spelling
neighbour
show examples
 or shares something, their child sees
this
 and learns to do the same.
This
 is why these
people
 think
parents
 are the best ones to teach
children
 how to be good
members
 of
society
Others
 believe that
schools
 are the best place for
kids
 to learn how to be good
members
 of
society
 because
schools
 provide a structured environment where
children
 interact with many
people
 and learn social skills. In school,
kids
 are taught about rules, cooperation, and respect for
others
, which are important for being part of a community.
For example
, during group projects,
children
 learn to work together, share ideas, and help each other, which teaches them how to be good team
members
.
This
 is why some
people
 think
schools
 play a key role in teaching
children
 how to be responsible and kind
members
 of
society
.
To sum up
, some
people
 think
parents
 should teach their
kids
 how to be good,
while
others
 say
schools
 are better for
this
. Both sides have good points, but I believe that it's mainly up to
parents
 to guide their
children
 on how to be good
people
 in
society
.
Submitted by alexareptile on

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Language use
Focus on including a wider range of vocabulary to add complexity to your essay. Richer language can enhance clarity and engagement.
Task Achievement
Consider providing more detailed examples and elaborations to support your arguments. This adds depth to your essay and strengthens your points.
Coherence and Cohesion
You might want to explore transitional phrases to better connect paragraphs and ideas, enhancing your essay's flow.
Task Achievement
You presented a balanced view by discussing both perspectives before giving your own opinion, which is excellent for task achievement.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay is well-structured, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs for each view, and a conclusion. This contributes greatly to the essay's coherence.
Task Achievement
Providing examples to support each view makes your essay more persuasive and engaging.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • role models
  • moral values
  • social norms
  • structured environment
  • cooperation
  • respect
  • communal responsibilities
  • decision-making
  • societal integration
  • consistent messages
  • cultural expectations
  • complementary roles
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