IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe that the best way to increase road safety is to increase the minimum legal age for driving cars and motor bikes . To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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There is a view that in order to maintain
road
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 safety, it is suggested to level up the minimal
age
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 for obtaining a driver's license so as to drive automobiles and individual bikes.
While
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 increasing the current
age
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 for driving vehicles can alleviate
road
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 accidents to some extent, I believe that a multi-faceted approach would be better. To commence with, raising the minimum
age
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 to use transportation can be effective on some grounds.
Firstly
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, in many countries, including the USA the required
age
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 for driving is far lower than in many other countries,
therefore
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 it seems to be the reason for
such
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 kinds of nations having a high level of accidents.
In other words
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, the present
age
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 for controlling vehicles is 16 in many countries, which sounds a bit faulty
due to
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 lacking skills on how to manage cars with the required skills.
Moreover
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, people at the
age
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 of 16 have their studies and exams at school.
This
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 is another reason that it is challenging for teenagers to manage their studies simultaneously with the training for driver-license.
As a result
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, many candidates can end up being less experienced, and cause
road
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 accidents, where they have to use valuable skills, taught during training sessions.
On the other hand
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, as the multi-faceted approach is needed to combat
road
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 problems, other problems should be addressed. First of all, other reasons for drivers' mistakes including speeding, being under the influence of alcohol, or using mobile phones increase the likelihood of
road
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 issues like crashes of cars. Many drivers lose control of their transport
as a result
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 of
such
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 cases, putting other's lives at risk.
However
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, to address
this
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 issue, the government can introduce new laws and impose heavy fines for individuals who disobey driving rules.
Additionally
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, often roads are rough, meaning lacking standard to drive smoothly because of many potholes and people can have difficulties to maneour no matter how they are experienced. In conclusion,
although
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 lifting the current
age
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 for driving cars can be useful for the betterment of keeping roads safe, I concur other solutions could be implemented to deter less-skilful people from driving, including heavy fines or even the suspension of driver's licences.

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Language Variety
You should aim to include a wider range of sentence structures and vocabulary to enhance clarity and expressiveness.
Task Achievement
Incorporate a few more specific examples or statistics where possible to support your arguments more convincingly.
Coherence
Be cautious about repeated phrases or ideas; instead, try to rephrase or delve deeper into the argument for greater impact.
Grammar Accuracy
Double-check your work for minor grammatical errors to ensure precision and fluency.
Introduction/Conclusion
Your essay effectively introduces and concludes the topic, clearly indicating your stance.
Supported Main Points
You have well-supported main points with explanations, which strengthens your arguments.
Logical Structure
The organizational structure of your essay is logical and helps in the easy understanding of your points.
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