Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
While
some think that adding more and more Linking Words
sports
centres is the most beneficial way to improve the community's Use synonyms
health
, others believe that there are better ways to do Use synonyms
this
. Linking Words
Although
increasing the number of gyms would motivate Linking Words
people
to exercise more and become healthier, I firmly believe that educating them about Use synonyms
health
is far more effective.
On the one hand, building more Use synonyms
sports
centres could help to encourage Use synonyms
people
to do more physical activities. Use synonyms
This
is because several individuals complain about their living location and assume that it is inconvenient to access those Linking Words
facilities
. So, they will have no excuse if there is a gym next to their house or their work. Use synonyms
That is
why constructing more Linking Words
sports
Use synonyms
facilities
will ensure that a vast majority of Use synonyms
people
have easy access to Use synonyms
sports
centres and eventually improve their Use synonyms
health
. Use synonyms
For instance
, in many nations, those Linking Words
sports
Use synonyms
facilities
can be seen in almost all parks which attracts many elder Use synonyms
people
who have great concern about their Use synonyms
health
to exercise regularly every morning. Use synonyms
However
, I think that Linking Words
this
is a temporary fix and better steps should be taken.
Linking Words
On the other hand
, educating them about the importance of Linking Words
health
is a better and long-lasting solution. The media should focus on encouraging Use synonyms
people
to take good care of their Use synonyms
health
Use synonyms
as well as
warn them about possible Linking Words
health
diseases Use synonyms
such
as heart failure and diabetes. Even in schools, young children should be educated about Linking Words
health
from a young age in order to grow as healthy adults. Use synonyms
For example
, the average life expectancy in many countries where education focuses significantly on Linking Words
health
tends to be higher than in countries that do not have any concern. Use synonyms
Therefore
, I believe that Linking Words
this
is the best way to maintain and improve the Linking Words
health
of the whole community.
In conclusion, Use synonyms
while
increasing the number of Linking Words
sports
Use synonyms
facilities
can encourage and facilitate Use synonyms
people
to do more exercise and improve their Use synonyms
health
, educating them about Use synonyms
health
is far more important in the long run.Use synonyms
Submitted by blastion05 on
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Task Achievement
To further enhance your Task Achievement score, include more specific examples or data to support your arguments. This could involve citing studies, quoting experts, or providing statistical evidence that strengthens your discussion.
Coherence & Cohesion
Consider exploring a wider range of transitional phrases to connect your ideas more smoothly and enhance the flow of your essay. While your current transitions are effective, variety will add sophistication to your writing.
Task Achievement
For a holistic discussion, you might want to briefly acknowledge potential counterarguments to your view and explain why your perspective still holds. This will demonstrate critical thinking and add depth to your analysis.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay presents a clear structure with a well-defined introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
Task Achievement
You effectively addressed both views on improving public health and convincingly articulated your own opinion, showing a comprehensive understanding of the task.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your main points are well-supported and easy to follow, contributing effectively to the essay's coherence and cohesion.