IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Of late, it is believed that students studying in secondary school and high school should be taught how to manage money as it is an important life skill. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this argument? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Some people believe that school pupils who are studying in junior and senior high school should be taught about managing their own
money
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 which is one of the essential life skills. In my opinion, managing
money
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that is
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 given to us by our parents are necessary for life
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
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 because it helps individuals to strive
the
Change preposition
for the
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 future.
To begin
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 with, managing
money
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 for
adolescents
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bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
show examples
 some positive benefits.
First,
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individuals will get the basic knowledge of saving
money
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 which is important to understand.
This
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 idea of saving
money
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 will lead them to be wise people and not be controlled by
money
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. They will understand how to use
money
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 properly, especially
for preparing
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to prepare
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 themselves for the future that will be coming.
For example
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,
adolescents
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 will know earlier about
money
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 investment where they can get the benefits of it
such
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 as profits, experiences and knowledge about investment.
Moreover
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, managing
money
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 tends to help
adolescents
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 become extravagant about
money
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. So they will be more aware of financial freedom which will be good for them in the future.
Although
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 majorities
adolescents
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 still don't get any income by themselves,
this
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 will lead to
a
Correct article usage
apply
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good
habit
Fix the agreement mistake
habits
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.
For example
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, buying things could lead to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
lavish habits that's why it's important for the adolescent to know how to properly manage their
money
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 as soon as possible. In conclusion, managing
money
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 is essential for any individual, especially
adolescents
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.
However
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, many adolescent still don't get any lessons from their parents about
this
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 good habit.
Therefore
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, everybody should realize how powerful
money
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 is and it can lead to bad or good things. I strongly agree that pupils in junior and senior high school should be taught about saving
money
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.

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task achievement
Ensure your essay directly addresses all parts of the task. Your response captures the essence of the question, but further emphasis on the counter-arguments could highlight a more balanced perspective.
task achievement
Try to enrich your essay with more specific examples from your own experience or general observations. This can significantly strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Use a variety of cohesive devices to connect ideas and paragraphs smoothly. While your essay has a good flow, a wider array of transitions can enhance clarity and coherence.
coherence cohesion
Keep working on paragraph structuring to ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that it is fully developed and supported.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively frame your essay's argument.
coherence cohesion
You have maintained a good logical structure throughout the essay, making your argument easy to follow.
task achievement
The essay includes relevant examples and explanations which help in illustrating your points.
task achievement
Your stance on the topic is clear and consistently supported throughout the essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial literacy
  • budgeting
  • savings culture
  • spending wisely
  • financial stability
  • responsibility
  • discipline
  • financial goals
  • long-term financial health
  • digital transactions
  • online banking
  • interest rates
  • investments
  • credit scores
  • debt management
  • academic pressures
  • curriculum balance
  • informed financial decisions
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