Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed , rather than to work for a company or organisation. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed?
In these decades, lots of
community
prefer to carry their own business to apply for jobs. Though, there are still some negative factors when doing it ; Fix the agreement mistake
communities
however
, in my perspective, i
believe that being self-employed is a better idea and in Change the capitalization
I
this
essay, I will mention two main reasons.
First of all, recently, the problem of hierarchy has always chaos
Add a missing verb
been chaos
that
many Correct word choice
and
people
are getting stuck. For instance
, in Japan, I met a friend who had to quit her job because of power harassment which means people
with high positions put pressure on the lower ones, thus
no one can speak out nor
against it because there is a hidden rule that Correct word choice
apply
people
must respect their boss by anyway.
Next,
people
want to get rid of their safe zone. Take influencers as an example, these people
are under by any company, they can work even while
they are going out and it brings them a fantasy income. The more developed the society is the higher the demand of people
is. It means that with a stable salary, people
find it difficult to fulfil their desires such
as owning good accommodation, travelling and so on.Furthermore
, they will be more motivative
and creative because they can do what they Replace the word
motivated
Correct your spelling
want to
wantto
their own business without any limitation
Correct your spelling
want to
Nevertheless
, working for an organisation as an employee also
has some benefits such
as a low risk of bankruptcy or if people
make a mistake, there will always be someone who will fix it for them compared to working for oneself, they have to adjust all happens problems by themselves.
To conclude
, both self-employed and employed have their own advantages and drawbacks, thus
I suppose that being a sole proprietor is overwhelming because individuals do not need to ensure the pressure from their seniors or be more flexible with their lives.Submitted by trangtrnh548 on
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coherence cohesion
Consider varying your sentence structures more to improve readability and engagement.
task achievement
Try to focus more on the disadvantages of being self-employed when the prompt requires it. This will ensure a more balanced essay and better task achievement.
general
Pay attention to spelling, grammar, and punctuation to avoid small inaccuracies which can slightly impact the clarity of your message.
coherence cohesion
Adding a brief summary of your key points in your conclusion can reinforce your argument and leave a strong final impression.
coherence cohesion
Using transitional phrases more effectively could help in linking ideas and paragraphs, enhancing the overall flow of your essay.
task achievement
You've provided relevant examples to support your arguments, which strengthens your essay.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the topic, ensuring the question is answered throughout.
coherence cohesion
You have a strong opening statement that presents your viewpoint clearly.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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