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Band 4.5

When it comes to travelling, do you think that the internet can replace an actual visit to a foreign destination? Why?

#internet #visit #destination
With the advancement of technology, internet travelling
becomes
Wrong verb form
has become
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 a feasible way for us to explore the world. We can reach our designed destination through our tablets in
a
Correct article usage
the
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 blink second of time. Internet travelling can be a cost-effective means for us to explore new places, as it saves
up
Change preposition
apply
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time and money for travelling and accommodation.
Moreover
, we can access
to
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apply
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places that
Add a missing verb
are difficulty
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difficulty
Replace the word
difficult
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reached
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to reach
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 by transportation.
Places
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For places
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 like
the
Correct article usage
apply
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Area 51, which are hardly accessible, a virtual visit can made possible
through
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by
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 watching documentaries and images. In my opinion, virtual travelling has its own
restrains
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restraints
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 that make an actual visit irreplaceable.
Firstly
, cultural exchange can only be done by reality, not through virtual means. We can directly chat with the
local
Fix the agreement mistake
locals
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 to inquire about their customs and lifestyle. Participating in festive celebrations and trying out local delicacies
also
 let us directly
engaged
Wrong verb form
engage
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 with the culture of our destination.
On the other hand
, the whole process from planning to visiting equip us with valuable skills
in
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for
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 the future. We can learn how to be organized
through
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by
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 planning
the
Correct article usage
a
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detail
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detailed
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 schedule
of
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for
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 the trip.
Also
,
problem solving
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problem-solving
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 skills can develop through dealing with accidents.
In addition
, a trip is great for social connection, which
allow
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allows
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 family and friends to strengthen their bonding. Virtual travelling is comparatively convenient,
however
, the immersive experience of travelling
at
Change preposition
in
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 reality will never be replaced.
Therefore
, I think that virtual travelling cannot fully replace a traditional visit at the
recent
Correct your spelling
present
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 moment.
Submitted by huiloksumstephanie on

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Development of Ideas
Consider expanding your examples with more detailed descriptions or personal anecdotes to deepen your analysis.
Language Range
Try varying your sentence structures and using a wider range of vocabulary to enrich the expression of your ideas.
Task Response
You've successfully addressed the topic with a clear stance and provided relevant arguments for both perspectives, which is commendable.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a good logical structure, with paragraphs dedicated to specific aspects of the argument, enhancing coherence and cohesion.
Supporting Examples
The use of examples, such as Area 51, to illustrate points about virtual travel adds relevancy to your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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