IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many young children have unsupervised access to the internet and are using the internet to socialize with others. What problems do children face when going online without parental supervision? How can these problems be solved?

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The online engagement rate of teenagers on social platforms has increased in the
last
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 few years.
However
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, some
children
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 use these sites without
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parents'
Correct pronoun usage
their parents'
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 supervision which can numerous
problems
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 in their lives. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss those issues and provide measures to solve them. To commence with the
problems
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, it is very common for
children
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 to come across strangers, who can influence them negatively. It is very easy to target
children
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 as they are not aware of bad people who are active on social websites and can use them for their own welfare like misguiding them to send their nude photos, share inappropriate content etc. These actions not
on affect
Verb problem
only
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 them mentally but
also
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 physically. If online abuse goes over the limit, sometimes offspring prefer to commit suicide rather than share it with their
parents
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.
Besides
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this
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, social activation is a waste of time.
Although
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, teens know it but still spend most of their time scrolling Instagram, TikTok,
Correct word choice
and
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Facebook.
This
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 activation hinders their physical growth
as well as
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 affects their studies. Since the invention of the internet, individuals have lacked exercise as compared to before. It is causing so many health
problems
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such
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 as heart diseases,
blood
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high blood
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 pressure, respiratory
problems
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 etcetera. Moving
further
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 towards the solution of all these issues
,
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apply
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 first and foremost is that
parents
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 should monitor their kids. They should keep an eye on activities that they perform online.
In addition
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, they should try to build a transparent relationship with their
children
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, so that they do not hesitate to share their
problems
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.
Moreover
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, they can act as a role model for their
children
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 by indulging themselves in good habits like less usage of mobile phones, spending quality time with family, reading books , exercising, yoga, meditation and so on. In
this
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 way, they can protect offspring from the claws of the internet.
To conclude
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, the internet is invented for the sake of people. offspring should use it in limit and
parents
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 should supervise them,
while
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 their juveniles are using it.

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Specificity
Consider providing more specific examples to support your arguments. While you have highlighted the issues vividly, backing them with more concrete examples will strengthen your essay.
Grammatical Accuracy
Be cautious with minor grammatical errors and typos in your essay. Such errors can distract readers from your message. Proofreading your work before submission can help eliminate these inaccuracies.
Sentence Variety
Try to vary your sentence structures to keep your writing engaging. While your essay is well-structured, incorporating a variety of sentence patterns can enhance its readability and flow.
Comprehensive Coverage
You've done an excellent job addressing the topic comprehensively, covering both the problems and the solutions related to children's unsupervised internet use.
Logical Structure
Your essay demonstrates a good logical structure, with a clear introduction, development of ideas, and a conclusion.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your use of linking words and phrases contributes to the coherence and cohesion of your essay, making your arguments easier to follow.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • unsupervised access
  • parental supervision
  • inappropriate content
  • online bullying
  • harassment
  • strangers
  • mental health
  • well-being
  • addiction
  • privacy
  • security
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