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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign laguage at the primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantage?

#experts #children #laguage #school #outweigh
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In today's open world，some professional people think learning an externe
language
Use synonyms
 is necessary in primary
school
Use synonyms
. I think there are more advantages to
this
Linking Words
 proposition . In the beginning ,the curriculum of the primary
school
Use synonyms
 includes more subjects than before，
therefore
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, a lot of pressure is put on students to gather
this
Linking Words
 information; thereby, I do not believe it will be a good move to add a burden on the primary
school
Use synonyms
's children by asking them to learn a new
language
Use synonyms
 beside current subjects, especially, in
this
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 early stage of student's life, we need to focus more on their mental health to ensure prosperous future for them.
In addition
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 ,they don’t acquire skills for studying because students who are only 6 to 12 years old, at
this
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 period , almost them just started to know how to study.
For example
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,I studied English in China,I usually just recited the text
the
Correct word choice
and the
show examples
 words without knowing how to use them in any situation.
As a result
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, I learned primary
school
Use synonyms
 English but could not communicate. So for them,
language
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 is a kind of mechanical recitation They don’t know how to learn it easily and quickly, nor do they know how to learn it well.
However
Linking Words
, if the courses in foreign languages are arranged in middle
school
Use synonyms
,there are some pros.
Firstly
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, for those people who will get the skills to learn another
language
Use synonyms
 as soon as possible. because via primary
school
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 education, They already have the ability to learn,
such
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 as understanding what grammar is, and what word formation is, and comparing it with their native speech.
This
Linking Words
 can help them learn a new thing as effectively as possible.
Overall
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, learning a foreign
language
Use synonyms
 in primary
school
Use synonyms
 is a heavy burden for students, and there is no need to increase the learning pressure during childhood. Through the analysis of
this
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 article, I believe that learning a new
language
Use synonyms
 in primary
school
Use synonyms
 does more harm than good. It is more appropriate to
this
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 learning skill
what
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 is increased in junior high
school
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by luohongqianwen on

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Task Achievement
Consider creating a clearer thesis statement early in the essay to effectively guide the reader through your argument.
Task Achievement
Make sure your points are well-supported with specific examples. While you have provided some examples, they could be further developed to enhance your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on logical connectivity between paragraphs and within paragraphs to make your essay more cohesive. Using linking words effectively can help with this.
Coherence and Cohesion
Revise and ensure correct and varied sentence structure to enhance readability and coherence.
Task Achievement
You've provided a balanced view with an examination of both sides of the argument, which strengthens your essay.
Task Achievement
Your commitment to engaging with the topic and offering your opinion is evident, which adds to the depth of your essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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