In some countries celebrities have higher salaries than senior politicans. what is the reason? do you think it is a positive or negative development?

#countries #celebrities #salaries #politicans #reason #development

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It is said that in some countries, celebrities are currently capable of having higher incomes in comparison to senior

politicans

Correct your spelling

politicians

While

there is a distinct reason for

this

matter, I believe that it is a negative development that can cause bad after-effects. The reason for the higher salaries of celebrities is the power that media exposure allows them;

furthermore

, their preferences and choices are able to impact those of their audience.

This

matter results in various companies reaching out to them so that they showcase the company's products;

consequently

, These types of partnerships lead to their gain of great income.

For instance

, If a celebrity begins using a particular service, it occurs to their followers that the said service is of significant quality and importance;

thus

, the company earns more and in

turn

Add a comma

turn,

show examples

the same happens to the public figure.

While

this

development is solely caused by the public figure's likelihood, it might still result in negative consequences for the senior

politicans

Correct your spelling

politicians

. As the power of each individual is mostly recognized by their wealth,

politicans

Correct your spelling

politicians

might appear to be of less importance and power than the former group. Taking into account that they have a great role in leading the country, their lower profile might cause lesser obeyance from citizens;

thus

, taking away from their authority. In conclusion,

although

celebrities deserve to amass a noticeable fortune

due to

their social

endeavors

Change the spelling

endeavours

show examples

, it has a bad impact on other professions

such

as senior

politicans

Correct your spelling

politicians

who are vital members of any country.

Overall

reduction

Correct article usage

a reduction

show examples

of their earnings may be a feasible plan for attending to

this

matter.

Submitted by viana.elahi on Mon Apr 08 2024

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Example specificity

Try to provide more specific examples to support your arguments. For instance, mentioning specific celebrities or case studies could make your essay more compelling.

Balanced Argument

Consider exploring both sides of the argument more thoroughly to provide a more balanced view. Your essay strongly leans towards the negative aspects; including benefits could enrich your discussion.

Structure

You have done a great job in structuring your essay with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.

Flow

Your essay flows well, with each paragraph logically leading into the next. This makes your argument easy to follow.

Cohesion

You effectively use connecting words to maintain coherence throughout your essay, which enhances its readability.

10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

265 words

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Discuss your academic and non-academic achievements (for undergraduate and vocational student), and industrial experience (for vocational student only) including the process and skills involved in your previous or current degree program!

In recent years, technology has significantly transformed the way people communicate. Some believe that these changes have brought more advantages than disadvantages, while others argue the opposite. Discuss both views and give your opinion.