It is importatnt for people to take risk, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweight the disadvantages?
Both in their careers and their individual lives, it is crucial for humankind to take risks. In today's climate,
engage
in risk-taking has become Wrong verb form
engaging
controversial
minefield. Add an article
a controversial
However
, some people
find it too hazardous to take daring actions, there's always good
side Correct article usage
a good
in
it.
Change preposition
to
To begin
with, to step
out of comfort zone is one kind of advantage Change the verb form
stepping
of
Change preposition
apply
it
. If Correct pronoun usage
apply
people
cannot do anything to step out, they will end up stagnant or may regret that they did not do anything. Even if people
make mistakes, it is the nature of humankind that we learn through mistakes. Also
, embracing
failures and accept that it is okay to make bold decisions and fail. Failure is the catalyst as a teacher no matter how unpleasant the situation is. The classical example of Wrong verb form
embrace
this
is Steve Jobs who is well known as co-founded Apple. He was a student at Reed College and majored in English. After just one semester, he dropped out of the
college but he successfully co-founded Apple, Correct article usage
apply
revolutionised
the tech industry. During his co-founding Apple, Jobs experienced several setbacks and failures but his ability to learn from these setbacks is a compelling example of how resilience can lead to achievements.
Correct word choice
and revolutionised
On the other hand
, the drawback of taking risks is that
the possibility of failure. Individuals have to prepare themselves for the consequences of possible situations. Even though, I mentioned that resilience Correct word choice
apply
lead
to success, sometimes it is Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
waste
of time and energy If the thing is not worth it. Correct article usage
a waste
Furthermore
, people
need to deliberately plan and acknowledge the danger. The example of this
case, in 2008 there was a huge financial crisis all around the world. The reason was that it was due to
risky investments by banks and it led to endangering circumstances.
To conclude
, everything has unwelcoming
and pleasant side. Correct article usage
an unwelcoming
However
, I think If individuals have the ability to aware
Add a missing verb
be aware
the
welcoming side of the unpleasant, everything will fall into place so that the advantages are Change preposition
of the
more
higher than the disadvantages.Change the word
apply
Submitted by munguldei.pianist on
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general
Keep ensuring that your essay has a clear logical structure - introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task achievement
Continue to include specific examples to support your points, as you did with Steve Jobs.
coherence cohesion
Try to vary your sentence structure and use a wider range of vocabulary to enhance readability and engagement.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to clearly differentiate your paragraphs to make your essay easier to follow.
task achievement
You made a compelling argument in favor of taking risks, balanced by acknowledging potential drawbacks.
task achievement
Including the example of Steve Jobs was effective in illustrating your point.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion neatly encapsulates your thesis, demonstrating good essay structure.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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