IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

The chart belows gives information about how families in one country spent their weekly income in 1968 and in 2018

The chart belows gives information about how families in one country spent their weekly income in 1968 and in 2018
#belows #information #families #country #income
The information about the income and expenditure of families in one particular nation in 1968 and
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2018 is depicted by the given bar graph. The information is calibrated in the form of
percentage
Fix the agreement mistake
percentages
show examples
. The most striking feature of the chart is that previously families were spending their maximum
amount
 on food,
while
 the minimum paying off was observed for categories
such
 as fuel
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
power and personal hygiene. Taking a cursory glance,
it is clear that
 in the former year, people spent
smallest
Correct article usage
the smallest
show examples
amount
 on transportation, personal care and household items,
while
 the spending on housing and shopping for
cloths
Correct your spelling
clothes
show examples
 and footwear had a proportion of a tenth. A significant difference of 3%
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
costing
Replace the word
cost
show examples
 of fuel and electricity and entertainment can be noticed where the former lies at 6% and the latter at 9%.
However
, residents were spending their maximum portion of money on food which was noted as 35%.
To conclude
, in 2018, individuals
spend
Wrong verb form
spent
show examples
 twice on food(16%) as compared to household objects(8%).
Furthermore
, citizens spent
negligible
Correct article usage
a negligible
show examples
amount
 on fuel
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
energy and personal care
whereas
this
 proportion is significantly high in housing and entertainment activities which is around one-fifth.
Although
, adults were spending
fair
Add an article
a fair
show examples
amount
 of nearly 15% on transport
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
this
 figure was only 5% in
shoes
Correct article usage
the shoes
show examples
 and apparel category.
Submitted by navkiranji on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words amount with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "information" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
▼

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: