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Band 7

The chart belows gives information about how families in one country spent their weekly income in 1968 and in 2018

The chart belows gives information about how families in one country spent their weekly income in 1968 and in 2018
#belows #information #families #country #income
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The
given
Verb problem
apply
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bar chart illustrates the average weekly expenditure by families in one country in 1968 and 2008.
Overall
Linking Words
, people spent on
food
Use synonyms
 the most in 1968
while
Linking Words
 people in 2008 spent on leisure the most.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, in 1968, households spent 35% of their weekly income on
food
Use synonyms
 and it was significantly higher compared to the other categories.
Following
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, the percentage of housing and "clothing and footwear" was a tenth.
Subsequently
Linking Words
, other sectors only showed a negligible rate, with below 10%. To be specific, families only spent about 9% on leisure.
Moreover
Linking Words
, household
goods
Use synonyms
, personal
goods
Use synonyms
, and transport reached about 8%.
Lastly
Linking Words
, the least spent sector, "Fuel and power" was approximately 6%.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the expenditure towards
food
Use synonyms
 decreased by half. Around 17% of weekly income was allocated
on
Change preposition
to
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food
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, the leisure and housing categories gained popularity. The rate was about 22% and 19%, respectively.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the figure for transport
also
Linking Words
 increased by almost double, to 14%. The percentage for household
goods
Use synonyms
 remained the same.
Lastly
Linking Words
, "Fuel and power", "Clothing and furniture", and personal
goods
Use synonyms
 showed a minor allocation.
Submitted by aahhyu111 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "lastly".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words food, goods with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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