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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The Graph shows average carbon dioxide (CO2) emissions per person in the United Kindom, Sweden, Italy and Portugal between 1967 and 2007.

The Graph shows average carbon dioxide (CO2) emissions per person in the United Kindom, Sweden, Italy and Portugal between 1967 and 2007.
The line graph
comparisons
Replace the word
compares
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 the rate of carbon dioxide emissions per
each
Correct determiner usage
apply
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person among four different countries from 1967 to 2007.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 both Italy and Portugal had an upward trend
while
Linking Words
 the
UK
Use synonyms
 had a downward trend during four decades. In 1967, the
UK
Use synonyms
 stood at the highest amount of carbon dioxide emission(10.3
tons
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)
Sweden
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 with 8.2
tons
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 had the second stage and the Italian saw
third
Change the article
the third
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 stage with 4.1
tons
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
Finally
Add a comma
Finally,
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 the
fewest
Correct word choice
lowest
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 amount was for the Portuguese which was under 2
tons
Use synonyms
 of carbon emissions. During
first
Change the article
the first
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 decade the
UK
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 experienced a slight decrease to 10.1 metric
tons
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Linking Words
however
Add the comma(s)
, however
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, Italy and Portugal showed a remarkable surge to 6.2 and 3.5
tons
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 respectively.
Sweden
Use synonyms
 had
a
Remove the article
apply
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tremendous growth and peaked at 11 metric
tons
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. In
second
Change the article
the second
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 decade, the
UK
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 had a minimal decline of 10
tons
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also
Linking Words
,
Sweden
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 experienced a considerable drop from 11 to 7
tons
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. Both Italy and Portugal illustrate a moderate rise with 7 and 3
tons
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 respectively. From 1987 to 1997, Italy and Portugal followed an
Replace the word
increasing
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increase
Replace the word
increasing
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 trend( 7.8 and 5
tons
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)
whereas
Linking Words
 the
UK
Use synonyms
 and
Sweden
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 decreased
Change preposition
by 1
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1
Change preposition
by 1
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Use synonyms
Fix the agreement mistake
ton
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tons
Fix the agreement mistake
ton
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 constantly. Between 1997 to 2007, the
Italianwith7.8
Correct your spelling
Italians with 7.8
tons
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 and the Portuguese with 5
tons
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 remained at the same level
while
Linking Words
 the
UK
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 and
Sweden
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were
Unnecessary verb
apply
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dipped by 1
tons
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 gradually.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words uk, tons, sweden with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
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