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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The graph below shows the rate of smoking per 1000 people in Someland from 1960 to 2000. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information in the graph below.

The graph below shows the rate of smoking per 1000 people in Someland from 1960 to 2000. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information in the graph below.
#rate #people #someland #report #university #lecturer #information
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A glance at the graph provides the figures for smoking per one thousand
people
Use synonyms
 in Someland in 4 decades from 1960 to 2000.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
rate
Use synonyms
 of male smokers decreased in Someland in the given period, whilst that of female one fluctuated.
According to
Linking Words
 the information shown in the chart, there were only around 100 female smokers per 1000 females in 1960
while
Linking Words
 the
rate
Use synonyms
 of smoking per 1000 men was 6 times higher than that of
women’s
Change noun form
women
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, the
rate
Use synonyms
 of female smokers experienced a three-times growth from 1960 to 1975 by 100
people
Use synonyms
 and 300
people
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 the male smoker
rate
Use synonyms
 reduced from 600
people
Use synonyms
 to 500
people
Use synonyms
 at the same time.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the male smoker
rate
Use synonyms
 plummeted from 600
people
Use synonyms
 to 250
people
Use synonyms
 between 1960 and 2000 which was only 50
people
Use synonyms
 more than the female smoker
rate
Use synonyms
 in 2000. What should be particularly mentioned is that the
rate
Use synonyms
 of women who smoked in Smeland plateaued at 200 women from 1915 to 1980 and kept decreasing after the plateau period which decreased
100
Change preposition
by 100
show examples
peope
Correct your spelling
people
 in the
last
Linking Words
 two decades.
Submitted by s99104032 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, rate with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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