IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that teenagers should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time. This can be benefit teenagers and the community as well. To what extent do you agree or disgree.

#people #teenagers #community #work #time #benefit #disgree
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Some individuals argue that youngsters need to attend free public
work
Use synonyms
 in their leisure
occasion
Fix the agreement mistake
occasions
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 and
this
Linking Words
 activity has advantages for teenagers and society. I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement because it leads to self-cognition and independent
life
Use synonyms
. Nowadays,
young
Correct article usage
the young
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 population have no idea about what they can do and their
skills
Use synonyms
. By attending free
community
Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
, not only do they know about society and problems that exist, but
also
Linking Words
, they
know
Rephrase
also know
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 themselves and their potential
skills
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. If they cooperate with these kinds of
activities
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, they do a variety of
activities
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 and they can find out what
activities
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 they can do better.
In addition
Linking Words
, young people can develop their
skills
Use synonyms
 like communication.
For instance
Linking Words
, in the UK schools force students to attend different
community
Use synonyms
 works like charity free to gain more
skills
Use synonyms
 and find themselves better. Another benefit of these
activities
Use synonyms
 is independence. Young people who
work
Use synonyms
 in free
community
Use synonyms
 services learn to live alone.
In other words
Linking Words
, they learn to solve different challenges and obstacles by themselves.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, they learn to manage their
life
Use synonyms
 and their time from the experiences that they gain. It means, they try to organise their
life
Use synonyms
 to do each task at a certain time and it leads to preventing waste of time which is common in the young generation's
life
Use synonyms
.
For Example
Linking Words
, when young people who
work
Use synonyms
 in free
community
Use synonyms
 services encounter a challenge in their
life
Use synonyms
, they can handle it without any support much easier than the other youngsters because they acquired more experiences in comparison with the others. In conclusion, the young generation needs to attend free
community
Use synonyms
 services to gain more experience in order to know themselves and their
skills
Use synonyms
,
also
Linking Words
, more experience leads to
independency
Replace the word
independence
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 and solving problems.
Submitted by hadadianmohamadhossein on

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task achievement
Ensure to directly address the question asked not only in the introduction but also in the conclusion to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
While providing examples, try to incorporate more diversified and concrete ones to add depth to your argument.
coherence & cohesion
To improve coherence, consider linking your ideas more explicitly to the main topic throughout the essay.
coherence & cohesion
Use a variety of conjunctions and cohesive devices to improve the flow between your sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
You have presented a clear main argument and maintained focus on it throughout your essay.
task achievement
Your introduction and conclusion strongly reflect your opinion, contributing to a clear task response.
coherence & cohesion
You have logically organized your essay and produced well-structured paragraphs.
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