Childhood obesity is becoming a serious problem in many countries. Explain the main causes and effects of this problem, and suggest some possible solutions.
An upward trend has been observed in the obesity
issue
among children
in numerous nations. As bad eating habits and a sedentary lifestyle are the culprits behind this
, it causes them energy issues and cardiovascular diseases. This
issue
has some solutions which will be elucidated in the coming paragraphs.
To begin
with, there are multifarious reasons behind the childhood overweight issue
. Primarily, this
problem will shoot up in children
when they have inadequate eating habits. This
is because, in recent times, children
are inclined towards fast foods as these are good in taste but can make them obese in the long run. The World Health
Organisation, for instance
, published in its annual report of March 2015 that 45% of children
had been facing serious overweight issues since they started eating pizza and cold drinks a lot. In addition
, monotonous life routines can affect children
’s health
, and if there is no specific time for a physical workout, they may see deflection in the movement of their body parts.
Further
, these causes come along with
many dire consequences. The prominent one is the sluggish nature of children
. It is when children
are obese and feel less energetic. For example
, the Child Health
Care Organisation surveyed a group of 500 obese and 500 fit children
in May 2016 and found that fit children
were active in 7 out of 10 tasks whereas
the other group hardly remained in 3 tasks. Moreover
, the extra weight brings heart problems in children
as extra fat can create hindrance in the heart veins. Hence
, they may feel blood pressure problems.
Lastly
, this
problem is not without solutions, which can timely control its repercussions.
The first solution can be providing and encouraging Change preposition
in.
children
for a good diet. Homemade food contains less trans fat but has high protein content can resolve the overweight issue
among children
. Such
food can fulfil the requirement of energy without compromising health
standards. Motivating children
for physical workouts or sports can be another fixer for it. If they do some body movements, their heart and body parts will work in a sequence and eventually they will burn fat.
To conclude
, though the excessive fat issue
is rapidly growing with a serious concern among children
in many countries, it can be tackled by making them aware of the importance of a good diet and physical exercise.Submitted by Mrjit147 on
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coherence cohesion
A few sentences could benefit from clearer phrasing. For example, 'This is because, in recent times, children are inclined towards fast foods as these are good in taste but can make them obese in the long run.' might be rephrased to 'This is because children nowadays are inclined towards fast foods, which, although tasty, can lead to obesity over time.'
coherence cohesion
Consider providing more varied transitions between paragraphs. Instead of frequently using 'To begin with' and 'Further,' try alternatives such as 'Firstly,' 'In addition,' and 'Furthermore' to improve flow.
task achievement
The essay would benefit from addressing potential counterarguments or acknowledging limitations to proposed solutions. This would demonstrate a more comprehensive understanding of the issue.
task achievement
The essay clearly identifies the causes, effects, and solutions for childhood obesity, which demonstrates a well-rounded understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly set out, providing a strong frame for the essay's argument.
task achievement
The use of specific examples and data (e.g., from World Health Organisation and Child Health Care Organisation) strengthens the argument and adds credibility to the discussion.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
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